Time for ME to change...scared as hell...

[theotherhalf]

Good morning,

Just thought I'd drop a line to update and say Hi. Things are pretty quiet here. Friday night my SIL and nephew came to visit. Played with him, and visited with her and went to bed early. Did sit and paint awhile before they got here.

I was out of corn for my corn burner (how I heat the basement). Have been for a month. H has said many times that he would get me more and hasn't. Either the weather has interfeered or the price has went up or he just didn't. I don't have a truck to pull the wagon to town so I couldn't do it myself. I haven't pushed the issue till now. Yesterday am I called to see if he'd go get me a load. I just said. "If you want I will have someone else do it,(last year I did that he got all bent out of shape at me and that person) just let me know". He said he would go. So he did, sat a bit chatting then left.

I have done as you all say. I am not calling him for any reason other than business. I have asked no questions, no R talk, nothing. He is being pretty scarce.

Planning on doing some painting today. Clean my house and get ready to go back to work tomorrow. All in all an ok weekend.

Little bad DB last night but still a little of "doing things my way" left in me I guess...
I woke up at 2 am for no apparent reason. Tossed and turned a few minutes. I then got up and went to the bathroom. I went out and looked out the back door. I seen a vehicle coming down the highway. I watched. Then I saw what I think was H's pickup heading for town from OW's. My old reaction would have been to call him right away. I didn't. What would it do anyway? He would deny, it might not have been him, etc.. Another argument, no thanks. But it bothered me terribly. Was it him? So...(I know, I know) I sent him a TM about 20 min later. "Did you have a good night? God I hate you..."

My reasoning...if it was him I want him to know I know. I don't want to play this game anymore. If he is going to see her, stop hiding it and lying about it. Grow up. Get on with it.

About 20 min later he sent back "why, come see me, call". I didn't respond. I thought...R U f*c*ing kidding me?!? IF that was NOT him on the highway I am surprised he was still awake. IF it WAS him, he was coming from OW's and now asking me to come to his place! So I still don't know if it was him. But I spoke my peace and I am okay with it. His response really means nothing to me. If he asks me tomorrow about it I will be honest and tell him why. If he doesn't mention it, I won't either. I don't have anything to talk to him about or tell him so don't plan on talking to him at all for the next week.

Courage and strength and rising above...