Take it from somebody that tried. You cannot please everyone, so to make yourself happy this year sounds like a great new years resolution to me. You go girl!!
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am still here just reading along....just wanted to let you know in case you thought I was lost at the buffet.
You are doing great BBJ...it gets better. What helps me sometimes is to remind myself that the woamn that my ex wife has become is not acceptable to me as a life partner.
Take care of you and the kids....the rest is secondary.
I really think Dan is better suited to being single. I know he has had these affairs, but neither has been permanent (that I know of! ) and I know he had drama with the more recent one as she got attached/needy...
I think he would be best off as a bachelor playing with his cows and his kids in his free time. And if he got lonely for a lady, he could go to the strip club or rent a bad movie or just pick somebody up for a meaningless fling. No commitment no NEEDS to take care of...
Somehow, I think he would still be unhappy with all of this. What he really needs is to work through his issues with IC if he has any chance of ever being happy.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Somehow, I think he would still be unhappy with all of this. What he really needs is to work through his issues with IC if he has any chance of ever being happy.
I could not agree with this statement more!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
The kids and I went up for karate this morning, Nathan tests for his third stripe tomorrow night. Then in 2 weeks he 'officially' tests and will get to move from white belt to orange. Very big deal!! He is excited about it...
Then we went and spent the kids' gift cards from Christmas on a little toy for each ($5 cards only get you so much).
Then we came home and have just sort of hung out. I have started about six different projects this afternoon, so I have to figure out which one to finish first so I don't go back to work Monday leaving a ton of loose ends! (Taking lights of Christmas tree, organizing the garage, folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, etc etc)
While laying down with Sydney to get her to take a nap, I was thinking about Dan. I remember all the years we spent pre-kids and how close we were then. If he had been on a trip like this he would have called and talked to me for an hour while on the road, or called from the hotel at night and talked until he fell asleep. Why does it have to be different now? I don't think it does...
He told me last week if I wanted him for a 'boyfriend' (I have mentioned that I want him to be my boyfriend not just the father of my kids) I was going to have to look somewhere else. He said he was my husband not my boyfriend and things change as time goes on. His comment was "I am not going to sit on the couch holding hands and cuddling on Christmas Eve in front of my family". True, we did goofy stuff like that as teenagers, not paying attention to anyone else. That is not what I meant, I just mean I want us to ENJOY each other! How is that wrong? I still got excited when we lived in K.C. last year when I would see his truck pull in the drive and knew he was finally home from work at the end of the day, stuff like that.
I miss having someone excited about ME. I tried to think really hard about the last time I felt like Dan was visibly glad to be with me. I couldn't really think of a time since before our D was born 2 1/2 years ago. That is so sad.
I am just starting to feel like I am pouring all of this love, affection, attention into a vacuum. It just gets sucked up and I get nothing in return. Sure he works and makes the big money to pay for everything. He is a great dad to our kids and when I have night class or whatever he takes care of them (or his mom does!) so I can go.
But I want some flirting, joking, touching, laughing. It sucks so much not to have that. I am sure it is TMI but when he was on trips in the past we used to "play" on the phone,and I miss that! Now he calls, talks to me for a few minutes, then asks to talk to the kids. No I love you, I miss you, etc.
I just don't know how that disappears. If it had never been there, that would be sad, but I think it is even sadder for me that we DID have that and now we don't.
We all are Woog.. and I agree Bobbi.. it makes it harder knowing you used to have such a great R and for some reaosn, it has evaporated.. for them at least, if not for us. Yes, I still used to get excited when his car pulled up outside, right up until the Friday he walked in from work and ended it with me on the spot.
So I am confused.. is Dan still living at Toms and is he still buying that house? But sounds like you two are still speaking at least, if only for a few minutes.
You are doing so well, you are focusing on your job and children and not letting your life slide. Good for you!
) and I know he had drama with the more recent one as she got attached/needy...