>>But when I told him that, he bolted the other way, saying no, he wanted a divorce, he couldn't forgive me, he almost killed himself over me, etc. <<


No R talk. I don't think he's waiting for you to "come around." I think he's in a holding phase, trying to heal and is afraid to trust in you. The only thing that can help with this is time and space. While you just be a friend when he needs one.

By the way.... forgive me for hijacking your thread here, but I just have to reply to the "love" word. One problem I see with using "love" as the main reason for staying, or leaving, or making any decisions in a realtionship is that love is a feeling and feelings change.

For example, many WAS leave because they no longer "love" their LBS. Also, the anger, resentment, etc... you feel when you learn your spouse has cheated is enough to dull and even temporarily squash any feelings of love. Love is an emotion. It's also tied to hormones in your body. Scientists have studied how hormones affect feelings of "love." That's what makes affairs so attractive... that rush of hormones that feel like love.

I think real love is something that lasts much longer. The feeling of it can come and go and there are other things tied to it. Like memories, and history, good times, bad times, physical affection, caring, children, etc..... So one point I'd like to make out of this whole diatribe is that even if your WAS spouse says they don't love you now, it doesn't mean they won't love you in the future. If someone felt love for you once, chances are they can feel it again. And just because someone feels love for a new person in their life it doesn't mean that won't change a year from now. And when the WAS does return, sometimes those "love" feelings can change quickly because even if they return you still have to work through the anger, pain, lack of trust, etc... that the affair or abandonment created, and you may sometimes not feel so much "love" anymore....

Love (beyond initial infatuation) is a choice.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.