God, she's like a broken record! You? Passive-agressive? It sounds to me like she is. How does she think the two of you can actually sit down, talk about your differences and view points calmly? I can just see that now....you open your mouth and the spewing begins again. She's got to release the past and live in the present and look to the future. You can't go back and repair the past, only learn from those mistakes during that time. She needs to be in an anger management class to help her deal w/the anger she's got festering.
As for your children....from what you've posted, you adore your children and would do anything for them, except babysit them the other day. She definitely wants you at her beck and call. She definitely doesn't want you seeing someone and definitely doesn't want you to move on w/your life and hopefully have a relationship w/someone new.
Please try to distance yourself from her, set your boundaries and adhere to them. I'm very sorry you are having to deal w/her anger these days. I had hoped she would have grown up a bit, but she's still an angry woman.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
