I appreciate the hope as well. Thank you. Your pastor may have been referring to marriages in which people placed their vows in God. We did not. That doesn't mean that I don't take those vows seriously.
I do think that these affairs burn themselves out... but it can take a long time. And yes, I also think that almost all the WAS or MLCers (my h is a bit of both) will regret their actions and decisions. That doesn't mean that they will come back. However, in the end, they will have more to live with, to bear, than us. I say that not in a spirit of revenge, not at all, it's just most of us married good people who have gotten off the track for whatever reason. At some point, they will review and perhaps re-think what they have done... but again, it could take a long time. If we don't recon, I hope at least some day to have a true apology or recognition from my h of the complete devastation brought about by his lack of honesty and conduct. By then I will probably have processed the loss almost completely; ironically that may be the beginning of his doing so. He is in the vortex of new love right now and I'm sure barely gives a thought to me or our m.
It helped me to hear it too. By the way, my pastor had gone through this too...many years ago. It was a big reason why be began to turn to God for answers.
One other thought...he said the only reason a M should not be restored is if their is abuse (physical or mental) on either side.
What I hate most is the thought that my H will likely find another love, and then when the luster fades from that one, he will see that that's just life, but he will already be with the other person, so he will stay with her. That is what I see very possible in the future, and it just breaks my heart. Such a waste. Throwing away something good for no good reason. H's A with the secretary was a one-nighter he maintains, but also has said that he has a real drive to experience other women. Our C has said that he doesn't see H turning back or even looking back until he has fulfilled this drive.
And I believe that marriage has value and should be sacred unless there is abuse......but if H doesn't agree, I can't make him. So, right now I am standing for my M, and will so long as I feel the way I do right now. But, I am living each day doing what makes me happy. And if it comes to pass, that someone walks into my life that really feels right and makes me happy, then I will not throw that gift away.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
SC, keep the faith as long as you can. I feel the same way. Both our spouses will turn back to us...just not on our timeframe. If my W continues to move away from me, I'm going to be OK.
One of the things we need to do is become the attractive alternative. If your H notices and comes back that would be great. If he does not then you will be ready for a new relationship. That is the secret of GAL that everyone talks about. The more confident in yourself that you become, the more attractive you will be to him.
SC, (((((hugs))))) to you. I thought about one other piece of this that helps to think about. The OM or OW is most often not as attractive or intelligent as the LBS. This is brought out in the books on infidelity that I've read. Most time when the WAS wakes up they realize that what they gave up and/or destroyed was more important in their lives.
In my case the OM has a failing business, pot belly, smokes cigars, and his idea of dressing up is a clean tee shirt. I almost want her to spend some time with that...just for revenge.
I have the same thought sometimes - but in a different way. In my case the OM is a fun guy who focuses on himself, has fun with his friends, drives a cool car, etc -- but COMPLETELY NEGLECTS HIS WIFE - no help at home with the kids, no housework, never home in the evenings, etc. I know his W and she is miserable...
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
