Hi Tostada, I just as badly wanted to still be married to my wife. The thing for me that makes it easier is that I've grown so much at times it seems like the man I am now hasn't ever been married. We didn't have a good marriage. It wasn't bad in my opinion, but, given my family background, that's understandable. Give my wife's family background, for her it wasn't good.
These days, I'm merely coping and having a taste of the buffet is partially a coping strategy as well. When I was completely miserable, that she wasn't also was nearly unbearable. Now that there is the occasional enjoyment, it's a little easier to handle. Not that a new relationship no matter how little doesn't bring its' own complications along with it.
My IC said to me that I'm trying to deal with all this without having to deal with it. As in, I want to be past it without having to live the pain and hurt of getting past it. Touche'
So, I'm sorry you're here and the rest of us as well. You seem like a pretty good guy and a good father to your kids. I struggle with that one. It's easy for me to disappear into my own world.
Find what things you can enjoy and treat yourself to special things right now. We sometimes have this perverse idea that the time to treat ourselves is when we triumph. Better I think to do it when we're struggling.
