thank you so much for the responses. This is my second day with very little sleep and I was hardly eating yesterday because I've felt so nauseaus and upset. I'm trying to work at that so I don't go way downhill.
All I could think about last night in tossing and turning was: what if my w. is telling me the truth? What right do I have to feel upset / hurt / angry if she sees someone a couple of months after leaving me? Then I started questioning everything and feeling like I must be a horrible person, she must be all right and I'm all wrong, etc.
Even if the source (his w) is incorrect or even fabricating some of the things she told me, and my w's version is 100% true, there is still a systematic omission of information, and how can you just step in to another relationship after 8 years with someone else?
Bottom line: I don't believe my w. on this. I think there is enough information that points strongly in the direction of some kind of situation, an EA at the very least. Again though, if even some of the pieces this man's w. and I put together are true (and they were not big stretches by any means), there was a PA before she left me.
I love how in my W.'s message she says "when we ended the R" (as though both of us mutually wanted/decided to)--I actually think it is truer to say that because "we" is her and OM). So he was there in the background the entire time at some level--even just as an "EA" / "friend". That must have been a primary support for her through the experience.
I'm back to this crazy thinking I seem to do where I feel frustrated that it's all good for w. and OM--they've been travelling all over the world, they're "public" now. Last night it was very hard not to have images of them having sex over and over. Especially because I know the OM, this really hurt and sickened me. I know the world is unfair sometimes, but this whole thing has felt so wrong, and has been so hurtful to those left behind.
