Sounds like a terrible situation - and I'm sorry you have to endure that...sounds like your H is in a crisis of his own - and that it's best for you to stay clear.
It's been ages since I've seen my wife in my W's eyes - I caught that glimpse yesterday - and it made me miss her terribly - though today the glimpse was gone - completely and utterly gone - and so it was like a reminder of the value in detaching from her. She's got too way too much to work on - and any part I play in it becomes a negative to her - and so, once the threats to call the police (and before that, the threat of going to a battered woman's shelter and claiming I had beaten her - which she said in a phone call to her mom) - I just knew that we had to be apart for her to deal with her demons...I didn't want to play the role of the demon for her - and it just got to be more and more obvious that she needed to see this demon in me...and re-live what might have happened to her - and stand up to that demon now...but the risk was too great for me...I have two children, I have a family, I have my own life...and she could have ruined so much of it so quickly with just a phone call...and so now her anger is her own - and the demons are her own to confront.
So far as I know she's not getting help - and she's still saving a lot of her anger for me...and so I'm just detaching myself completely from her - and acting "as if" she's not a part of my life my decisions - save for matters affecting our baby boy - and even when it comes to him she manages to find something to get angry about...before she moved out she once yelled at me for singing to him in the kitchen - saying, "I'm sorry if you think this is abusive, but can't you just shut up." That was the problem we had at home - her primary mode of interaction with me had become abusive - even our MC said this to her in session...and after that session my W accused me of manipulating our MC into believing she was abusive...it was amazing...it made my head spin...it distorted my sense of reality...it hurt like hell...and then I finally found a good T who was able to help me regain some sense of perspective...
