Making my own good karma!!

[fisherman]

Hey, you go girl!

OMG!! I am 44 years old and I actually got "hit on" for the very first time in my life!

Common now?? It's not the first time. It does give you boost and that is good. Now, give credit where credit is due and hang on to that boost, use it from now on.

[dl443322]

Whooeeee! Maybe you are putting out differet vibes from all the growing we have to do on this journey, ya know? Hey, a little flirting never hurt anyone. That had to make you feel good!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, ((trapt))!

Actually, it really is the first time!!! Remember I have been with H since I was 17, and I was always the "pleasingly plump" girl with the great personality! Well, I have lost about 50lbs (amazing what the stress diet can do for ya'), but I am still by no means "skinny". I actually cried when I found I could fit into "normal size" jeans! So this really was a new experience for me and I so did not know how to handle it.

I have no idea what to say to him when I see him on the bus next! And, to top it off, tonight H called regarding finances and, me and my big mouth, (remember that door between my brain and my mouth is faulty), I couldn't resist telling H! He was like "Well, there ya' go, good for you!" (the bas**rd). He probably thought I was trying to make him jealous. I really just have no clue how to "be mysterious" and "entice" a man.....it's just not in my nature. So, earned a few DB demerits on that one.....but oh, well!

Life goes on......

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, BM!!

Yes, it did indeed, make me feel good. My S17 says I'm "glowing", but then he's a goofball that takes great pleasure in making his Mom blush.......I can't believe I told my H though.......he probably thinks I'm pathetic and trying to make him jealous......and here I have actually been feeling pretty strong and detatched.

(((())))

[glamgirl]

SC wow you go girl. Now the note to self, don't share these things with your h. He is not going to come across the way that you would like. Period!

Go on with your day and be mysterious to your h. That means don't be volunteering about your day or your life to him. That is off limits to you.

Now get back on this rollercoaster and detach detach, then detach some more.

[whateverittakes]

SC - you rock! Just enjoy that attention, you deserve it... and please, consider adding as one of your 180s the mental and emotional shift of accepting and living the reality that you are an attractive, desireable woman. That can be part of your self-growth that will help any relationship including your m if you recon.

And I agree, don't tell the h.... he'll notice your new glow anyway and that will only make you more mysterious and attractive. You don't need him to be your cheerleader in this (yuck!) 'cause you got it goin' on all by yourself. Cheer yourself on! I'm cheering for you! Too often our h's leave us feeling undesireable, without passion and attractiveness .... particularly if there's an ow. I am starting to firmly believe that is something we must reclaim for ourselves. I've added it to my list.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, GG & WIT, for the kudos.

And I agree that we all need to reclaim our own "feminine power". (Yea Estrogen!! )

I am going to do my best to slam that freakin' door between my brain and my mouth!! Those hinges are so rusty and stuck that it really is not an easy thing for me to do!

I'm relaxing today and not accomplishing a thing. I just ate some fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy (I don't even want to think about those calories). It was decadent and delicious and I'll worry about it tomorrow.....but for now I'm content!

H called me this morning asking me to look up the weather in the pass for his drive home from the ranch tomorrow, and to tell me about how he has spent all day snowblowing. I know he used to call his "assistant" and "best friend" (aka OW ) for this type of stuff......yep, I know, analyzing again.....I gotta stop trying to make something out of nothing!!

On another note, when I came down to my computer, my S17 had been on it last night apparently and the dummy left his my space up. Our C has been voicing some concerns for S17, but not been too specific because of confidentiality. So, perhaps I shouldn't have looked, but being the concerned parent, I did.

Much of it was not news to me. S17 and I do talk, and all the kids nowadays (including the girls) seem to take sex as nothing but light recreation. I have always tried to instill respect for women to my S, and he has girls calling ALL the time. There was one conversation with a girl on his mail where she referred to S cheating on her when they were dating. This bugged me very much for obvious reasons. But there was a zillion other postings from girls about how much of a sweet guy S is.....so, I guess I have to let that one go.....what could I do about it anyway. I have already had numerous talks about the safe sex issue with S17 and so has H.

What I found to really concern me is that:

1. S17 seems to be doing more drinking than he has confessed to. [This is very concerning because alcohol abuse runs in my family.]
2. I knew, because he told me, that S had "tried weed", but apparently he has also bought it (once?) for his "friends"!!! That is a felony!!!
3. S17 had told us that he is into this thing called "juggalos". It appears to be a sort of "wanna be" or "pseudo" gang type thing that was started around some band called "Insane clown posse". I have done some research on this since S mentioned it, and have found that, while juggalos supposedly claim not to be a gang or gang related, there have been some problems with gang type behavior from people related to this group. H and I have talked at length with S about gangs.
4. On S17 comments board there were several postings from friends asking about S "red raggin'" and asking if he was a "blood" and if he wasn't he better "change that for his safety", and that if "pissed off the wrong Crab" they would "kill his a**". [If I am not mistaken, this is referring to my S17 probably wearing a red bandana, which is a sign of being a "blood" gang member (and S17 knows this and was doing it just for "kicks"), and if you wear one and aren't one, then those in gangs don't like it and may kill you.] This crap scares the bejeebers out of me! I could not see what comments my S17 had posted to receive these responses. But, the last post from this person told my S17 "That's a smart choice!", so I'm hoping that S17 has taken this "friends" advise and stopped this behavior.

So, I was going to talk to H about about this. I left a message on the ranch's machine when I called to give him the weather info he asked for. But, I'm a little afraid to because H has been known to go off the deep end and part of S17 issues and why he is doing this type of stuff is his anger at H and his feelings that he doesn not live up to H's expectations (and that fact that H doesn't practice what he preaches). But this is our son and I think it's important that we stay connected on what's going on with S.

And I'm not sure how/if I/we should talk to S about this. He'll be mad about my "snooping" but then HE left the site up on MY machine (the dummy). We've alread talked to him at length about safe sex, and drugs, and gangs, and drinking. I'm not sure what good would come of telling S what we know and re-iterating what we have already told him......

Any advice on this one??

[ThinkingItThru]

No advice. I have teenagers too and I'm doing way too much "playing it by ear" to give advice But here's my opinion:

Regarding the drinking and pot, I just think he's too young at 17 to be doing that stuff. Still in high school right? Just not old enough to deal with the consequences of what that stuff brings. ie bad judgment, lowered inhibitions, sexual encounters, etc. Don't know what you could do about it though...other than crack down and not let him go out because of this stuff. Just depends how much you guys still intimidate him. Thank G*d my kids still think that there is something I can do to them if they disobey. Wonder what C's opinion is about how to control teenagers in today's world if they don't want our influence.

Regarding the ISP, I'm not sure how worried I'd be about that. They've been around forever. As a matter of fact, I was into that band a few years ago. But anything taken to extreme isn't healthy and I'm sure a teenage boy's take of ISP is different than a 30-something woman. I'd be much more concerned about the gang stuff. Do you live in an area that has a problem with that? I didn't know if you were urban or not.

Regarding seeing his myspace page. Doesn't sound like snooping to me. Isn't that just like FB in that he's basically publishing information about himself to the world, or anyone in his selected community? If its published on the web, I don't think its snooping at all. I don't allow my girls to have that yet, but for anything they currently have (like email accounts) I know their password and I will to demand it until they turn 18. This isn't like a diary. This is something that they communicate to the world and has the potential to get them in a world of hurt if they start talking to the wrong people.

I know teenagers think they're adults, but until they are adults we have to protect them even if they don't want or appreciate it.

My 2 cents...teenagers, something new every day.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, Thinking, for your input. My S is a good kid with a really good heart, but he takes after his Dad in that he just seems to think he knows everything! The time S spent drinking and smoking with H during the "buddy" phase (as H was first going through his second adolescence) S really liked that in many ways, until H stepped over the line and has now alienated S. I know that even though S says he doesn't care what H says or thinks, that's not true. I know that underneath S is really confused and trying to find his way and have some real issues with self esteem. He is failing in school, and now has plans to go to the "alternative" school to finish up his senior year. H just wants to kick his behind out the door if he doesn't shape up. And H refuses to give any credence to the idea that some of the problem could be HIM!

Our C spent 33 years as a couselor for the Department of Corrections, so he is VERY informed on issues like drugs and gangs. He is big on "if it's illegal, it's WRONG!" Period! He has been a big help to S and S really respects him I think, and I know S opens up to C, because C really tries to steer us in where we need to focus (without breaking S confidentiality).

We live in small city, and gangs have been gaining some presence here. S has talked to me about it, and he has always liked rap music and such. He's also always struggled with applying himself in school (he has ADD). But, he's always had lots of friends calling and we never had any indications of being involved with stuff like this, up to the last several months......and again, of cours it couldn't have anything to do with our sitch at home!!!............yea, right.

[Babygirl]

hey girlie!! woo hoo for you getting hit on!! i am so proud of you. keep being mysterious, and if you figure out how to shut the door between your brain and mouth, let me know lol!!
love ya girlie!