He does not acknowledge that he has caused pain, or that he has anything really to make up for.
He does not find himself able to even VERBALLY express deep and profound love for you at this point. Let alone show ANY physical manifestation of such a love towards you.
He has already resorted to anger and accusations towards you because you are frustrating him. Well, I am sorry, he does not get to be frustrated quite this early. His patience must be nearly infinite at this point, after all he has put you through.
This is not a man who recognizes ANYTHING about what the past couple years have meant to you.
He simply wants BACK what he once HAD.
A relationship where little is required, and where a small effort on his part will be acceptable to you.
....
He should be turning over EVERY stone, making EVERY effort, paying ANY price to win your love back. And I don't care what anyone else has to say about him being afraid and scared. It's absolutely ridiculous to think that a grown man could be THIS clueless.
This so much describes my W during the 'piecing' we went through 2 years ago. I continued to try to win HER back. She just fell back into the 'old relationship' where she didn't have to give as much as she took.
She didn't ask for forgiveness really, and justified her actions as required for 'growth'. She did not try to win me back. In fact, I recall a few times in the first month or so where she was frustrated that it wasn't 'just working'. So I tried harder.
Bill may be right. Your H is clueless. I still feel the only way he'll see the light is through continued MC and his own IC. If he won't do both of those, he won't change.
IC for you will help w/your feelings too as you've made your changes and have grown tremendously. However, the IC may help you w/your frustration over your situation w/H.
When you've reached the end, you'll know it. Just make sure you turn over every stone - even if you feel you already have - so you won't have any regrets about moving forward.
Be thorough, honest, and self-critical in your assessment and you'll be sure that you don't leave anything out there and will have played all of the cards in your hand.
I decided I will go on with my life as if we were separated heading for a divorce. Make plans with friends (I am going out tonight), taking care of me, give the kids over weekends to him and see where that takes us.
That may be the best way to proceed right now. Who knows, it may spark some "actions" from your H.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Funny, detached doesnt allow to "piece" but when I feel my life connected more to him I feel hurt. K
Don't I know it ..such extreme truth there seems to be in that statement! Although I am perhaps not entirely certain that a certain type of detachment could not be used while still sorta accomplishing the piecing. But I can surely say that you can count me among the people who ran into that same predicament.
Such a "tight rope ..high-wire act" the piecing process is but it still does beat a great number of other alternatives ...death is one that comes to mind ...LOL.
Don't know if you follow my off-kilter, strange and zany attempts at humor. I would imagine that along with developing and enhancing a whole mess of R skills you have also picked up a bunch of "english" (American) expressions/euphemisms/idioms and all that crap.
So a whole heck of a lot more well-rounded we all seem to become from this "experience"
Much love and peace directed your way through prayer ..Sunshine.
There, that should about make up for not having come by for a visit in a while.
Hi all, Frank welcome, Tomato (dont worry about coming by often),
H and I had a talk today. Another one. A few things were said. We decided we will set a deadline, a couple of months until when we should be able to say if we both see any progress or not.
Clearly we have a lot of issues that our understanding is different. Today he started on "your responsibilities with the kids are not that much considering you work till late everyday and spent a few hours with them...". I was speecheless. It is part of an issue I have identified :he never in the past recognised my efforts to keep this family together and "running" while he was ...busy working. I told him so. I told him he should be thanking me instead of judging me. Especially since he couldnt take care of the kids if he had to.
We managed to keep it civil. He later said he wants to come and sleep over tonight. He said he wanted to last night also but I "was out" (had a great time with my GFs). He also said I was right for being upset because he chose to leave Christmas and New Year's nights. He said he made a wrong choice...
I feel better we have a plan regarding time. He agreed we cant be doing this forever with no results/progress. Take care all, xxx K
