Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[NikB]

((((Trixi)))))

Sorry that it didn't go as you had hoped.

To be completely honest - from an outside perspective, it doesn't look/feel/read like anything has changed from his side. More of the same...

- Admits he's cake eating but there's no reason to change it, so why change?

- Not sure what he wants but flip flopping like crazy.

- Wants to string you along for another month..or two... or twenty. Why not?

- Fantasy land - we're best friends, maybe even with "benefits" sometimes, everyone's happy and hunky dory with everything. Typical talk from the WAS in EVERY sitch.

- Taking little to no responsiblity for his actions, i.e. "I wish I could drive so I could go to IC." I'm sorry but the first thing that came to mind was "Oh BS - you didn't go when you COULD drive, and BTW it's your fault that you CAN'T drive so cut the 'poor me' crap!"

He's got the perfect situation right now. Wife / family when he wants it, single bachelor when he doesn't. And he knows it. And he knows you so well he's GREAT at keeping you hooked.

Now... above I said that it doesn't look different from his side. What DOES look/feel/read different is you and I am glad to see it! I think you've got a ways to go but I really see a lot of progress. You seem to be accepting that this awful "non-R" that you've been in with him is over. And it needs to be over!!

But I don't really want to take you to your arraignment or counseling because I would rather not see you." He said he could get a ride, that was fine.

Now let's work on getting a little stronger day by day? For example here - "I don't really want to" still gave him the control. A better response I think would have been "I will not be able to take you to your arraingment or counseling." He doesn't need a reason why. And you didn't need his "permission" ("that was fine") to not take him. You don't owe him anything, including rides to places.

He also felt bad because he was just sure that H would be wanting to discuss how to move things forward. And honestly, after what SS had told me yesterday, I was a little surprised at the way things turned out, too.

Want my guess? I have a feeling your conversation with SS led to you going into this discussion with high expectations that he'd finally make up his mind and commit. Which led you, most likely, to put a lot of pressure on him. What's the response to pressure? Push back!

Now with that said... there are times when you really do NEED to put some pressure on and I think something had to give in your sitch. I've felt all along that you'd get better results (for you and potentially your M) by doing the LRT than by continuing the way things were. I'm hoping that now, you'll be able to do that. It's my hope that this is what you needed to drop the rope, detach, and move forward in YOUR life.

Take good care of yourself. I know this is so hard!

(((Trixi)))