Happy New Year to you all!!! My New Year's was very good, excellent company and a great time. Legs are still sore from dancing. Spent yesterday recovering. D17 had a blast in NYC for New Year's, good for her. W got into a car accident on Wednesday during the storm. Her front lower cowl to her car was in my driveway when I got home. Son told me she left a message that she hit someone and for him to take the part down to the trash. No one had heard from her at all. My son was the only family member that heard from her. I went by her work to see the damage, OMG!!!! Yes the car is driveable as she told my son in her voice mesage, she has about $4000 worth of damage, still has her donut spare. Are you ready for this, I have to call her today for, ready for it now, her CAR INSURANCE money....No I didn't go to see ehr car to gloat. I actually called over where she lives to see if she was alright, but she wasn't home. I was concerned that she may have been hurt. She drives too fast and in that weather, wow!!!!My son said he went over to let my dog out at 6:30. then he went up the street to the store and came back by my house. He told me 15 minutes tops, He saw her backing out of my driveway. She must have been heading down to Oms, got in an accident and came by my house to see if I was home. When I obviously wasn't she pulled the part of her car and left it. My guess, she was drinking. She never called me, asked what she should do, what is the name of the insurance company, blah, blah, blah...Her New Year's definitely started off with a bang.
I had a great time and I am gong back down next weekend. A group of us are going out to dinner, some people I knew, some I met that night. It's gonna be a blast. tomorrow I am visiting my cousin and during the week I'm gonna hook up with a friend I have not seen in years. He used to be my best friend. Tonight I have plans with another friend of mine to go out to a movie or just sit in and play cards. Tough falling asleep last night, breaking the thought of her out of my head and praying she was OK. D28 called me at 1:30 AM to ask if I heard from her, no one had, not her not her grandmother. She probably stayed at OMs last night and drove to work from there this morning. Car is a mess. I finally fell off and woke up this morning calm. As usual. I am listening more now, thank you all fro that advice. The walk is going to be hard, the first couple of steps today will be brutal, but I am sure the steps will come easier. I have quite a bit going on this coming month so it is the perfect time to do this...Once again, My goal is to have this year end, not like it begins....
So your W earns the nickname Captain Crunch too? LOL
Mine shortly before the seperation took out not one, not two but three cars all at once. Took me 5 hours with a 15lb sledge to get it back in 'driveable' condition.
Oh yeah, and she had lapsed the insurance for yet the 4th time and for the 4th time got into a wreck without it.
Gotta go update my thread, HUGE developements
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I will definitely be over to your thread, was reading it this morning. Some serious waivering going on there, stay strong...
talked to W this morning becasue I have been a wreck thinking she got hurt. When she answered the phone at work, I sadi, "Hi, it's me. Happy New Year, are you OK?" She replied happy new year to you, yeah, i'm alright, not believable.. She told me what happened, knowing her, she had 2-3 drinks before she ehaded out at 7 at night so I am sure she was rolling along like cruella Deville...She told me she should've left me a note or called me. I said on a negative note, I need my car ins money. This is what I got:
1. Hasn't been making her car payments, has a verbal agreement withthe bank to start again today. She is over two months behind.
2. She is still driving on the donut and needs tires. Do I have to buy two ate once, I told her no, buy one this month and one next month and you'll be OK.
3. I told her the health ins card was in the bank overdrawn statement. She says thats another thing that has to come out today is $100 for that. I got news for her, $225 is owed. She bounced 2 checks totalling $151. Over drew the account with her ATM card. thats 75 in fees.
4. She told me she'l have to sell her body on the streets to make ends meet, doesn't know what to do.
5. Told her you ned to get me something call me no later than tomorrow, I need to go food shopping.
6. Says she will try to get me something.
I know she was waiting for mwe to offer to cvoer her insurance from last month, offer to get her a tire, offer to help her take care of her car, offer to help with her overdrawns. I offered NOTHING.
Feel bad for her, but I didn't put her in this position. She asked nothing about getting her car fixed, she hit someone else. i doubt she filed a police report. She didn't say how bad the other car was, nothing. she never asked the name of our car insurance company. these are things I always took care of, efficiently. She sounded upset and not alright. I don't mean physically.
Called the kids and told them she is OK, not to mention it to her. My older D and MIL are both pissed, they never received a phone call from her on New Years Eve or Day. I talked to her dad and he hasn't heard from her since Xmas when he told her he didn't have the money to lend her. that was a week ago. I called everyone yesterday because my phone died new years eve, got a new battery.
Got some fun planned this weekend and I am very excited. I have great plans thins month, first steps away from her got halted with this situation, but I have to be concerned. I think this walk is going to get off to a great start.
Hear ya on the money, I'm $200 short on my mortgage but FIL offered to lower the payment for me to stay in the house when I last saw him so, after I find for real if W's intent to ditch OM and try to reconcile, he and will have to have a serious conversation about that.
Nothing but cleaning for this weekend. S10 asked me last night if he could grill this weekend, supposed to be fairly 'nice' tomorrow, but they'll be with W, so, that stinks. Maybe try and invite her over so she can watch her son grill who knows.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I like the sounds of that. I think I took my W off her heels when I asked if she was alright. She didn't really know what to say. I have ways to go before I get to your level, or should I say she has a ways to go. Feeling just really good about me right now. Nice weekend planned, seeing friends , visiting and relaxing. Feel good about calling her on two levels, asked for my money and gave into nothing (couldn't have done that without the past meltdown, I would've buckled)and I showed real concern for her health and that she was OK. Its the first time I asked her how she is doing at any level since this began.
She talked to me about all her financial woes. She is in something wicked. I cannot give in though. This is a demon she has to struggle with in her world. I feel bad, but if I take the doormat path, I will have undone everything I have wrestled with til now. But i do feel good about me and who I am right now. I am sure she will call me for help in one or two of these financial crushes. I don't have it to give. But I think she has softened to me with my asking about her way ahead of any money. She is definitely in a frazzle, sounded really, stressed. she usually blows me off when I talk to her at work, especially when its about money, but she was wanting the conversation to go on. told her I would talk to her late and said bye. I have no intention of talking to her later. That is a call she will need to make.
P.S. I have the money to cover her car insurance. Its a stretch for me, but I could easily do it. I'll sit and wait (well not really sitting I have thngs to do) and see if she calls me. I want to see if she has the brass to ask me for help. Big difference in her attitude this morning from the last time I saw/talked to her on Xmas Day. "Oh, I'll ned to buy 2 tires for my car right? And I have all these parties I am going to, I'll be ready for detox after the New Year and what ever else she blabbed about." OM is a BS artist and I am now starting to wonder if he has been feeding her lines of money coming in that I know he doesn't have coming in. don't ask how I know, let's just leave it as I know. Her car has an $500 deductible. To get her car fixed she will need to hand over one paycheck. She may be taking care of it on her own, doubt it, but you never know. she is starting off her new year in a serious hole, I am starting mine off with new furniture, re-arranged room, a couple of months worth of fun planned (not costing me money) and getting old relationships rekindled. Nice.....
People coming to my house tonight for cards. Outta be a blast. Haven't had anyone over for a gasthering like this since the bomb got droped so I am very excited to have everyone over.
Word of caution, your tone here in regards to OM is bitter, never, I repeat NEVER let her hear you that way about him.
I think I perplexed my W by never really lashing out or insulting him and I've had several opportunities to confront him face to face and jsut shrugged him off and said "you want her, you got her, she's YOUR problem".
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Oh trust me I never mention him to anyone except my closest friends. He is a POS, but she needs to see it without any input from me. We don't talk much at all. 10 sentences in a month except about car ins would be a lot. I said more to her Xmas eve and Xmas day then I had in 4 months.
Sometimes your closest friends can turn into your worst enemy, especially in a situation like this. Be careful, I learned that the hard way and now things are looking up and I still find myself telling me to just shut up about it. You are right in the fact that she needs to figure out for herself who he really is.
AS for the level of communication, that's how I've been. Then BAM! The current situation of her wanting to try and work things out and the possibilty of things looking up.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I know who I can trust. I found out the hard way myself. Well I like hearing stories about asomeone being dark and having it work out. Oh yeah, i bite my tongue quite a bit lately about opening up and saying anything, even regarding her possibly coming back, because it either gets back to her or evokes a huge amount of negative response. so I say nothing.
