What makes a W in MLC to wake-up?

[sandi2]

Hi there. I have not made it back as quickly as I meant to, but I tend to get side tracked. My heart goes out to you b/c I know you must be in so much pain to see the one you love conduct her life the way your W is doing. The main thing that concerns me is that she is in and out of several affairs. Now, I was set straight be a woman from another culture that those things are more acceptable where she was raised than where I lived, so perhaps that is the case with you.....but regardless, I would think that it still would be very painful for you.

I realize not everyone thinks the same way. Even people of the same culture or family does not think the same. So, I will just tell you how I see it from my point of view. I believe that sex for women and sex for men are different regardless of how the movies want to protray the concept. The two genders are so different in the way they are made. I am not good at trying to explain this, but I think that when a woman gives herself sexually to a man, that in someway it involves so much of who she is that it is like it touches her soul. Excuse me if that does not make much sense. As I said, I am not good at trying to explain what I believe in my heart. Anyway, I feel that the more men a woman has sex with.....the more damage she does to herself (in a soulish or spiritual way). Now, I am not saying that I think this will send her to hell or anything like that! I am talking about her "make-up" as a complex female. Whereas a man may be able to go from one woman to the next and have sex and just enjoy the physical part of it and it might never touch his heart or soul or emotions (whatever you want to call it). So in time, if a woman has had several affairs, then it will take a toll on her emotionally. In fact, it was a book that I got on line that I read that explained how a woman would start on a downward spiral until she hit rock bottom. It explain how it would effect her until she could never have the "feeling" that she once enjoyed with a man. In other words, every time she had an affair, it took something away from her. If she went from one man to the next, she finally could not receive those in love feelings that she despartely wants to have. Again, I am not explaining this very well and probably should not have started it. But, that was something that scared me when I read it and it helped me to want to protect myself from anything like that happening.

So, I am concerned that she has had more than one affair and what it is doing to her that she is ignoring. I am sure that she would argue the point I have tried to make, but I believe it does effect a female's feelings. After a time of this continued behavior pattern, she becomes numb and is not able to have true feelings for any man.

I wished for your sake that you could detach emotionally. But, you have to do what works for you. I hope that you will continue to have a life for yourself and enjoy your child.

Would a woke-up MLC just came forward to say what she wants, or she would be testing the waters first?

I was going to respond to this question before I closed. It is not that easy since it would largely depend on the individual personality. My first thought would be that under the circumstances, she would test the waters to see if you would consider taking her back as your wife. But, if you feel that she does that, just be careful and not go overboard b/c it is just a test. She is not making anything final. She may not know for sure what she wants, at that point, she is just sticking her toes in the water to see what the temp is. If she is more of the type to "lay all her cards on the table" (as they say) and be upfront about everything, then she may possibly tell you that she was wrong and what she wishes for the future, but as a whole, it is my personal belief that most would "test the waters" before talking plain about their intentions or desires.

I hope this will be a good year for you.

Take care,
Sandi