starting.....I have gone to an Alanon meeting. It's been a very long time now, but I did go. It's hard to get your H to understand why you'd want to attend an Alanon meeting when they don't think that there's an alcoholic in the family. I think that deep down my H does know that he has a problem.....it's just not cool to admit it. I also think that the main reason that he keeps putting off his court date isn't because of this or that coming up.....it's because he knows that the judge will make him abide by the Substance Abuse Counselor's suggestion of him abstaining from alcohol for 6 months. It also makes me wonder if that's part of his cooling off with me. Obviously not the major part, but a part of it. I spoke very honestly with the counselor about his problem and how it has affected us. She did note that in the paperwork sent to the courts.....and a copy to H.
Your H doesn't need to understand why you would go to an Alanon meeting. Its not for him, its for YOU! Believe me, I resisted for a long time and was in denial too. Your H is an alcoholic and alcoholics are weak people in character. He also doesn't want to quit drinking. That is obvious. If he has his DUI pending and is still going out for drinks and drinking at home, he has not hit bottom. Mine hasn't either from what I can tell. He is walking for the next year. No license! But I do believe he is still drinking at home.
A question for you..are you worried about sharing custody of D4 with your H if you split? I only ask because that is/was a big motivator for me and why I put up with the crap for so long. I don't think your H is a healthy nor safe person for your D4 to be around much unsupervised with his drinking and more than likely he will drink when he has her. You have alot of ammunition in your court right now with the dui. Use it soon. Legal matters like that go a long way in court. He has a problem and whether he faces it or not you must for your D4.
Infidelity is hard enough to take without throwing an addiction in the midst. I struggle every single day, but I do have a peaceful home away from the manipulation, chaos and unhealthy lifestyles. Once you do make the move and get away from it, you will see it as well.
Forgive me for being harsh. I don't mean to be, I just know what you are feeling. You want to believe he can change...maybe he can but right now he is sucking the life out of you.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
