No statements from me about how this is going to be a better year... I certainly hope it is, but only YOU can determine that...not me, not anyone else on this board.
Cagz, I sure don't want to sound as if it is such an easy thing, either. It isn't. I don't know if I have it better or worse than most people here. My XH has never really been out of my life for any period of time over a few days. Sometimes I wish he would just move on and give me no reason to hold on anymore. But, then I remember that it is all within my own grasp and if it is not making me happy to hold on, well, then why in the hell am I doing it?
You learned the art of letting go so much better/faster than I did. I know that it does not mean that you let go of hope for a reconciliation, but rather that you let go of trying to control what is going on with your X. I applaud you for how well you have done. And, it doesn't mean that it hasn't hurt, of that I am sure. I think sometimes we see posts on here that make it look so easy and it makes us wonder what is wrong with us! Well, that happens to me, anyway. So, I thought I would take a moment to tell you that you are doing fine, my friend.
How were your holidays? Mine were more of the same! XH came here on Christmas Eve (with a ham- no more of me taking care of everything!) and didn't leave until late Christmas night. Yep, we even slept in the same bed. First time in forever--- I want to say 2 years. It was all very natural and good.
He opted out of New Years, and for once I did not push. I never brought it up- figured that if he wanted to he would. He didn't. He did start texting me at about 7 that night and continued on back and forth for 2 solid hours. I accept that it was all that he had to give. Instead of pouting about it I chose to let it be what it was. I think he feels relieved! He texted me last night too--- seems he is spending a lot of time thinking.
Tomorrow night we have a date planned. I kind of like this idea of not seeing him as much as I was and doing things away from this house. We shall see how it goes. No expectations here. I have the sinking feeling that I will get to the point where I realize that what he has to give/ feels safe giving is just not going to be enough for me. I guess it is easier to make that realization when I feel like I am in control. It is weird, but everytime he makes a decision concerning us it just devestates me. When I get to do it on my own, from a place of power, I guess (since he is making advances towards me), I can think a lot more rationally and clearly. Human nature, I guess. Just trying to be honest here--- I hope I don't sound like an awful person.
So, who knows, Cagz, where either of us will end up? I would like to hear your goals for the new year! I am trying to get up the guts to sign up for a triathalon this year. Training starts next month. There is no real reason I can't do it- only fear would stop me. Do you have any new goals?
Take care, and happy new year. I look forward to seeing your continuing growth.
