I dont get it either Mike. It is like in that mini-series Lonesome Dove where Lorena Wood went with the lost and wayward Jake Spoon instead of the good guy Dish Boggett. Women!
This "few hour bad boy" topic is something that interests me as well. I can play it well with a girl; if I have no long-term interest in her. However, if I think I'd like more; I can be mushy, nice guy that gets walked on in the end.
Maybe we like the challenge of a bad boy? you know we woman like to change men or at least mold them to husband material OR maybe if they are a bit bad and wayward then they won't want perfection in us. Woman like to think that maybe they are the one that can tame the "beast" OR could just be lust and a few hours walk on the wild side.
Hey guys just my pov, from a female perspective.I have no knowledge of bad boys -well none that I can remember. A few names from the past bring a smile to my lips but thats all I,m saying.
No, not what I meant. I obviously didn't phrase that very well.
We meet the bad boy, he seems interesting, don't really realize he's that bad until we've talked to him a few hours. He's usually the joker, teaser type and that is fun for a few hours but then we realize he has no substance and he's controlling, selfish, and most likely a "user". That's when it gets old and tired unless the woman involved has had a lot of past trauma. Then she recognizes him as someone in her "comfort zone" even though that zone should be avoided. The women who gravitate to these type of men have been raised in an environment full of them generally. To them, that seems normal and the nice guy doesn't fit.
Does that make any more sense?
I was definitely NOT talking about anything further than that! Most women with average, family-oriented backgrounds run from these guys like the plague. One exception - women who are "fixers". Fixers will take on the "project" in the hopes that they can improve this man's life. Save him from himself and his prior circumstances whether he wants that or not. You know - turn them into the nice guy. Before long they are sucked in to the R and it's too late.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
That's when it gets old and tired unless the woman involved has had a lot of past trauma. Then she recognizes him as someone in her "comfort zone" even though that zone should be avoided. The women who gravitate to these type of men have been raised in an environment full of them generally. To them, that seems normal and the nice guy doesn't fit.
so..any woman who was ever sexually/physically abused by a father figure/family member would fall into this trap pretty easily correct?? Even though they dream of the fairy tale they can't seem to move towards it due to the past and what has happened to them?? That seems like a very vicious cycle..
good luck with that..
and I take it that from a mans "rescuer" perspective that we may be drawn to these types of women..the frinkin Knight in shining armor mentality..
and to be honest..I'm glad I've been wallowing a bit lately..I'm always looking to learn something..and learn something I have..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 01/02/0906:42 PM.
I think women are attracted to bad boys has a lot to do with their maturity. Couldnt waste a moment of my life with a bad boy now. I would, when I was younger. A bad boy to me is never a real man. And I need a real man. Dont have time to "babysit" anybody or be content with thrills with no substance... Mike, look for an "equal", a woman that can give you the kind of satisfaction that doesnt need "drama" in the picture. Take care, xxxxx K
There is one type of woman who teeters between both and unfortunately that would be me.
I'm a fixer who grew up in a very loving, supportive family environment. My father was my everything but died when I was 15 so I plunged into a lot of rebellion against every value I had been taught out of anger at God for taking my dad away. I subjected myself to men I should never have talked to, let alone gotten involved with. I put myself in situations that no good girl should ever have been in and panicked trying to get out. There was a lot of damage done to my psyche over the few years I maintained this rebellion due to abuse of various kinds from these guys. The fixer kicked in after that. I saw Gabe as a wounded puppy dog that needed rescuing and I was just the one to do that. He was sweet, romantic, loving and attentive. All the things that none of these other guys had been. Mind you, I was only 18 and had no clue that he could be playing a part with me and the reality would come out only after we were married. He played his part well for the 4 years we dated. All his demons came out of the closet shortly after our wedding and it was never the same again. Lesson learned the hard way.
You see, I thought he was the nice guy because he payed attention to me, etc.. I couldn't see beyond that to the underlying damage his childhood traumas had created. I wasn't mature enough to see that and I was still too damaged from all I had been through. We both needed IC but didn't know enough to get it.
So, in short, women are fixers and men are Gallahad's. Why can't a fixer and a Gallahad get together. I think it would be a perfect match. Both bringing out the best in each other? Hmmmm....interesting thought.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I A bad boy to me is never a real man. And I need a real man. Dont have time to "babysit" anybody or be content with thrills with no substance... Mike, look for an "equal", a woman that can give you the kind of satisfaction that doesnt need "drama" in the picture. Take care, xxxxx K
Amen to that Kalni. I don't need to "raise" another adult. I am a fixer and have realized that about myself. Coming to terms with the realization that I can't fix this, I can't control it has been one of the hardest things ever.
Originally Posted By: mishka422
So, in short, women are fixers and men are Gallahad's. Why can't a fixer and a Gallahad get together. I think it would be a perfect match. Both bringing out the best in each other? Hmmmm....interesting thought.
It would seem that it would be a match made in heaven, but if both people are "rescuers" with no one to rescue, then drama will have to be manufactured for each person to gain satisfaction from their role in the R.
I would look for someone who can/will meet you 1/2 way. If MHS38 went with the psycho ex, then she doesn't deserve the AWESOMENESS of the box of tampons that is you...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
A lot of men, myself included enjoy the woman that we can provide for, the one that needs nurturing and attention, and the one's that can be "bad girls" when we want them to be. At least I used to be into that years ago before I put on my big boy pants and realized that there is more to life.
Point is, it goes both ways Mike. You know it, and I know it. Let's just take, oh I don't know, Kim and Carrie for example. We both ended up with women that needed "fixing". Odds are they needed it all along and simply haven't dealt with their baggage well over the years. You and I were stable, safe, honorable. At some point if they have not dealt with their "wild" streak, they look elsewhere and deal with it. They run from the safety of their home and family because they feel like they cannot be that wild and adventurous person with us. Because we are "normal".
So, I think you and I need to find a nice, happy, minimal baggage, comfortable in her own way type of woman and then open up the opportunity for them to be bad bad girls as long as it is within the right context.....
He played his part well for the 4 years we dated. All his demons came out of the closet shortly after our wedding and it was never the same again. Lesson learned the hard way. 