2008 = Crazy Year (Havin Fun @ 21?)

[karen43]

Forgot one thing.

I was called a bully (in front of k's). Why? Because I wouldn't agree to D and left W no choice, therefore I was bullying.

WTF???????????

I totally understand this. More and more I've come to think that when people criticize us for something, it's usually something they are doing/guilty of themselves. Your wife is a total bully and then she calls you a bully. It's very weird, but every time she calls you something like that, it's really describing herself. It's weird, but I've seen that so many times with my H and others here at DB too...Karen

[lost_in_space]

((((Karen))))

I had read about this a long time ago (projection) but kind of forgot about it. I think you are right. Funny how long time friends are saying how they now see haw controlling she has been - yet I am accused of that. Same thing.

Almost next year...

[Hope4us]

Lost, It's time your kids know the WHOLE story, if you haven't told them yet. No pussy footing around. THE WHOLE UNABRIDGED TRUTH. I know this is obvious to you, but she's doing the infidelity spin to them to try and make you out to be the bad guy.

Don't let this crap go on any longer. Your kids DESERVE to know the truth, especially since she's bringing them into the situation as she is.

Good job on the lawyer reply. From what you've written, it seems she wasn't ready for that and had to go into angry/attack mode once you replied that way.

I agree with both you and Karen that you'll (we) get accused of things that are really the things they are doing. Accusing you of being controlling? Give me a break. I remember my W giving me the "you're so controlling" speech and I replied "if you want to accuse me of being controlling because I have a problem with my W sleeping with a married man, I'm guilty as charged. And I can live with that". She just stared at me with that one. Go ahead and use that line if you'd like. I don't have the copy right on it.

Just keep your cool like you did so well.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You made your boundaries clear that you did not feel it was appropriate to discuss in front of the children. I think when she pushed your boundaries, basically steamrollered over your boundaries I think & was verbally abusive also either would have been enough for you to say this needs to be a private conversation. I will not hold this in front of the kids. or I will not listen to this kind of verbal abuse in front of the kids. If she continues, which I'm sure she would, then I think you should leave the situation. Not allowing her to act like this and say stuff like that in front of the kids. She is hurting the kids and you shouldn't let her do that I don't think. Karen

Wisdom, that.

Puppy

[lost_in_space]

H4U - I am sure I will have the opportunity to use that one. Thanks! The projection thing even gors way back to her asking me who I was having an A with?

PDT - I will walk next time. I have defended myself, but I will not be drawn in again (I hope).

Was out shovelling snow this morning (we had a big dump). Did our driveway and helped the neighbor with theirs, so double duty. Anyway, it hit me regarding something W said two days ago in the "ambush" discussion. She said "k's, we've discussed how I am looking forward to making a bunch of positive changes in my life". It hit me today that she admitted the selfishness right there. Bloody amazing!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think it's time to give your screen name to your wife, and come up with something much saner for yourself, LIS.

She truly is, lost.

Puppy

[Tawnya]

Puppy..I crown you the king of swooping in and saying something so simple and so profound at the same time

{{{LIS}}} Hope your night is good my friend!

Tawnya

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Lost))) my heart goes out to you. How you remain calm when she DELIBERATELY drags your kids into it is beyond me. That said, I think its time that you explored the possibility of sole physical and legal custody with her having a visitation schedule. If this is the kind of stuff she is doing in FRONT of you, I shudder to think about what she is telling them when you are not around. If they are still seeing W's C, then you might need to look into an alternative. Any C in their right mind would NEVER advocate children be put in a decision making position when it means the demise of their family.

It is time for her to leave. She has done enough damage to all of you for a while. You are a great dad, keep it up. Those kids need you more than ever.

[karen43]

If they are still seeing W's C, then you might need to look into an alternative. Any C in their right mind would NEVER advocate children be put in a decision making position when it means the demise of their family.

What Corey said! I do have to say your W could be making up this weird C stuff she is saying. I don't believe anything WAS say. Also even if her C is saying you should have family convos about separation or D, I'm sure the C doesn't intend or expect that your W turns them into twisted abusive discussions like she does. I don't think her C would agree with what she is doing. That C might be fine, but I think you maybe at least have some input and discussion with her and explain what is going on and give the C a chance to discuss/explain that. If the C does agree with what your W is doing, then I say find a new C immediately!!! Karen

[Puppy Dog Tails]

RECORD the conversations, and PLAY them for the C, and see what she says.

It's ABUSE -- period. If she doesn't agree, then get a new C.

Puppy