Episode IV: A New Hope (?)

[dday101798]

Well, I'm going to to have really put "do not believe anything you hear and half of what you see" to the test.

Got home a hour later than expected, train had a bomb threat, yeah nice way to start off new years eve. As soon as got off the train, W calls and asks what's taking so long, and that she has to leave soon to get ready to go out. So, I knew that meant dinner and anything else was out of the question. Told what happened and I'd be ther in about 5 minutes.

When I get in the door, W is sitting in the kitchen and looks at me with this glow, and laughingly asks what the hell is that on your face? I grew a goatie out as part of the do something different stage. I laughingly respond, what the hell is that on your head, reffering to her fire engnine red hair dye. We laugh and agree to go down to the basement, have a cigarette and 'talk' about what ever it is on her mind.

As soon as I sit down, she sits on the coffee table directly in front me leaving very little space inbetween us and starts in to this effect:

"We really need to work harder at being friends. I can't take this anymore and it's not right, the whole situation. We need to be friends before anything else can happen. I miss you and think about you every day. I can't live like this anymore. He (OM) knows how I am feeling and knows we're over. I just have to go with him tonight because he planned this party out a while ago and his whole family will be there and I need to be there. I want to be with you tonight so bad but I also just cant hop back into our relationship like how it ended. I just need some time finally be alone and straighten everything out and jsut cant go from being with you, to not being with you, than back with you, everything jsut moved way too quickly with him and things are crazy, a lot of people are going to get hurt."

I agree and tell and her that I am absolutely in agreeance that there needs to be a friend period before anything. And if and when we got to the point of reconcilling the R, we will need MC, and then we will need FC to get the kids through this and understand what happened. I never opened up and exposed any of my feelings but she agreed to everything and jsut said she needs "a few days" to let OM go.

She looked great for once, not all drabbed out and ten years older, she had that glow the whole time. Even though I never expressed how any of my feelings other than thinking of her too, she just kept glowing.

We got into some light conversation however, that I need to know what's going on soon as the clock is ticking on my "moveout" schedule so I'd have to talk to her father about the house again. Again, "give me a few days" was the repsonse smiling.

After she stood up, she "tried" to leave at at least 3 times but kept walking back over by me apparently anticipating a hug or something. I wasn't falling back into that again like last time and just sat in my chair and said good-bye and happy new year each time.

Later on during my BIL's new years party I sent a couple texts to her to see how things were going. She only replied to the first as "Ok". After finally getting a signal on my darn phone at 12:20am I left her a VM just saying happy new year. Got a little preterbed by the fact of she misses and yet rings in a new year, a new beginning with OM.

Never heard anything back. Yesterday, my house-mate begins to give a hard time about how everything is all up in the air and nearly refuses to pay his rent. So I send W a text that we need to talk soon because I need to give people answers. No reply. So before going to bed I reitterate the same message.

Finally, at 7am this morning, W calls. I nearly decline the call, but think better of it and answer. She wanted to engage the conversation but I told her that I had to get ready for work so I have to go, I answered the phone so you wouldn't thing I was ignoring you. She asked what time i'd be home, I said normal time and we'll have to talk about then. She apologised for not ressonding on new years. Said she ahd a terrible time and was constantly fighting with OM all night and wanted to have somebody come pick her up from the party. She said she had to shut her phone off because apparently OM is all over her, checking numbers out and who she sends and gets mesages from.

So, more to come, but things are looking to finally start going in good direction.