I have had similar revelations. For example, I have always known I need to be in control, but I had no idea the extent to which this problem had invaded even the smallest aspects of my relationship with my H, or with others for that matter.
I think I wrote about this in an earlier post on my thread. Once I realized I was doing too much to control all aspects of our relationship, I stopped. It has been amazing what that has brought to me. For example, H and I ended up with a lunch on Christmas day at his instigation that likely would not have occurred if I had not stopped controlling everything.
Like you, I have been actively avoiding controlling everything in all of my relationships, I want this change to be permanent and for me, so I figure it is best to apply it to all relationships. It is amazing how freeing it is to not worry about what others will do. Though I have not been that sucessful about not worruing what H will do.
As for giving advice here on the boards, I think it is different than fixing. I think you have reached that conclusion, too. I have no investment at all in whether a friend here does what I suggest. By that I mean my own feelings of worth are not impacted. Obviously I am invested in that I care about people here. It is okay with me if someone does not wish to do something I have suggested. I value very much all of the advice I get here. In fact I crave it.
Hearing all the different ideas about how to approach an interaction with our spouses, particularly since this is such unfamiliar territory, is so helpful.
How are you feeling today, Carlos? I hope you are doing well.
