Just discovered w. had an affair. Devastated.

[AliSuddenly]

Wow Purr.. wow, I am soooo sorry. I came to look for you as I havent posted over Christmas and I wasnt expecting that.. but, I nearly asked you in my last post funnily enough is there was someone else an OM...

Wow, that is so painful for you to find out that way, as I did, from someone else. It says alot, but I'm not sure what it says, that she never told you herself. I am so sorry you are hurting, just keep posting, phone friends, talk it out.. when I first found out about Helen, I was so shocked and hurt I talked to my BFF for a total of 8 hours on the phone on and off!! Bless her, but I ranted and raved and cried.

I am stunned at the level of deception your W has taken this to. And Purr.. that is NOT normal. That is NOT healthy. I remember when you were in MLC and she kept crying and also that holiday she went on (last March??) and I remember that she never gave a HINT of their being an OM. Its obvious now that her tears were very much guilt.

But how terrible.. she has stolen another womans husband and its taken them a year to go public? And he sounds ALOT older ? She has behaved VERY unfairly, very selfishly (as my ex has).. to you and to this mans wife. No wonder you feel sick and upset.

Do you have any plans to contact her? You may finally be able to have some kind of conversation with her (but dont bet on it) now that the 'cat is out of the bag' - she clearly couldnt bring herself to tell you. I wonder why not though ???? Thats bizarre frankly.

When I heard that revelation about my ex and Helen, I found myself thinking about it yesterday.. and you know what? Its like I felt something 'pop' really.. like I think I finally get it, and I finally let go. I feel like for the first time in 13 years, I have lost respect for him. I am sure you are struggling with lots of feelings..

YOU are a good person, you are honest and kind and have behaved with integrity throughout all of this, your W has not. She has a tonne of issues, I am sure... to act like that, to be so selfishly deceptive and cruel (yes, as she could have been honest and prevented you from torturing yourself for a year, she knew you were hanging on for her).. and she is 43 !!! She should know better at her age!

BUT.. lets not bash your W. 42-44 is the classic MLC period for woman (its the Uranus half return!) and that can make people act pretty crazily. THis is the last piece of the puzzle and confirms that your W has been through a big crisis and is no doubt still in it.

Will you talk to this mystery W some more? You should try to, it may help you to get more details. Plus, dont worry that this man is "well travelled, rich etc"...none of that counts for chitt on our death beds.. all that counts is who we loved, how we loved and who loved us... Thinking of you,

Al xxx