Yes, I realize w/the band thing - that I could not compete w/the ego boost he was getting.
I think that I would much rather have the admiration of my wife than someone who doesn't even know me.
Ellen Kriedman talks about rewarding the behavior you would like to see more of as a means of motivating children or spouses to change. Praise them for any move in the right direction and watch them increase their efforts.
I know my W had an accurate method for killing all my motivation to deal with her intimacy problems ..... she compared me to others (negatively), used criticism and accusation.
All that type of behavior does is cause us to stop trying....
Perhaps find something he does well and praise him, better yet, do it in front of others. Let him know you think he is awesome at something. You may begin to see other things he does well.
This may expand your vision of him, and his vision of himself, and possibly cause him to do more to get this praise.
Have you ever tried anything like this?
Last edited by native; 01/02/0906:03 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
