Hi . . . I want to do things to promote my relationship with 'A' the DBing way. Right when I think things are about to change, so little may happen that it feels like nothing has changed. It seems stupid to be happy over little crumbs just so I 'feel' better.
I'm still 'going dark'. I feel like I'm invisible and disappeared. I got the call Christmas Eve. Ok ... 'happy, happy, joy, joy'. I guess I expected to get a call New Year's Eve or Day, as well. So, I'm disappointed and a little sad.
My energy is almost depleted just because I've been taking care of both of my parents. My Mom has to have another operation on Tuesday, but I'm glad my Dad is doing a lot better. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents, and it is my pleasure to be here with them. However, I miss the comfort and security from being around 'A'. I miss his encouragement.
Sometimes, I think that 'A' has turned another corner. As I analyze his christmas message, he included my parents. There was something to that. Not only did he call me this year, but he also wanted me to send a message to my parents. Maybe he just doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. I'm not sure what to make of it. I guess we'll have to see.
I can't wait to talk to him again. I can't talk to my mother. She has been out of it for a couple of weeks. My friend, 'K', seems a little sick of me. I have noone to talk to about 'A'. No man is an island.
