Dear ones,

Happy New Year!!!!!! I celebrated by jogging and then doing some yoga...

alas, sadly my family was gone \:\( and I was all alone for the actual moment, they were helping another family member with a big move that involved transporting his collection of hundreds of giant goldfish (live)...

I haven't been posting because I guess I just wanted to take a break from trying to figure out what to do.

A few days ago, I had a lonnggggg phone conversation with a really good RL friend who I have been encouraging in her own DBing. I am inclined to at least consider her advice because her sitch is pretty amazing... her man (who is currently working in guatemala) just came to see her and told her that he wants to move back to Boston (where they used to live together), and she (I don't know how she managed to do this) told him in a light, joky way that she was still in love with him, and he was TOTALLY receptive to it.

So this friend, about my situation, was like, look, B obviously is still really conflicted, and has a longggggg way to go, you are like five miles ahead of him, and if you keep turning around and saying, "come on! hurry up! why aren't you by my side yet?" it will backfire. She is concerned that at this point he is just reacting to me instead of actually reaching out. She also told me that he is really skittish right now, which her man was for a long time, and also that her man during that period told her something really similar to "I want our relationship to be enjoyable." She actually suggested that I consider totally pre-emptively cancelling any hangouts with B in NYC.

I am feeling more like... not doing anything about it. If he contacts me, then I can take it from there. I am thinking about shortening my time in NYC for my own reasons anyway, so i could have more time in VA with my family, and other reasons... I am kind of wondering if I cancelled, if that would send him a message like "I really don't care about you", but if I do nothing, he will have to guess. But obviously, I cannot read his mind's hypothetical reactions to my hypothetical moves!

I just want to sleep and read... and not have to try to figure anything out!! (for example, what to do with my life now that I"ve finished grad school: big question mark floating over my lil' head)

I welcome your thoughts, as always.

LOVE,
transformer