Dear ali,

thank you for reassuring me that I didn't totally alienate everyone!! I was like, "hello.. is anyone out there?? [furrowed brow, slightly forlorn expression]"

To explain a little bit more about what I was realizing from 'passionate marriage'-- basically the closer we get to someone, the more important they are to us, and the harder it is to be open with them, because their reaction matters to us more. when our partner's importance surpasses our ability to differentiate (which means being able to soothe ourselves when we are upset, and hold on to our own self in the midst of conflict and disagreement), we stop disclosing. And frequently we stop feeling attracted to them. It is just this new, very powerful lens for looking at the WA experience, not as something pathological (MLC/ OW/ abuse/ trauma/ etc) but something that is a cycle in every intimate relationship, that can spur major growth.... I might be explaining it really poorly, I REALLY recommend that you read the book!! and then we could discuss!!

thank you for sharing the example of your sitch, and you are always welcome for the back flips \:\) and thank you for asking me again to post on FB... I still don't feel ready...

congratulations on your good news in your sitch \:\)
love,
T XX