Well the first day of the new year is winding down. I hurt a lot, cried and mourned the losses of 2008.
Tonight I'm feeling better. I know that W and I will not reconcile and maybe we shouldn't. Regardless, I deserve a better life than I've been living. And what that life is will depend on what I want it to be.
A year ago I was in a pretty dark place. W dropped the bomb and I was in no shape to do anything but live in fear or anger or both.
8 months of cohabitating and I watched her do some pretty strange things. Then, OM showed up, the bandaid she needed to 'feel happy'.
So much pain. Nobody is worth that much pain. But in some sick way we get addicted to the pain, to living like this because we are afraid to let go.
I have dreams. I have a heart. I made mistakes. I'm human.
I will spend every day in the moments, and expect that God will guide me. I'll pray for redemption for my mistakes and find ways to improve my life. To value MYSELF and have faith.
