Nothing much to post, same old same old which is my fault for being a pansy..........afraid to take a stand I guess.
I decided today as I was in a frustrated rage/near tears that I have a new New Year's Resolution:
DO WHAT MAKES BOBBI HAPPY AND FORGET THE REST
That sounds terribly selfish. I know it. But it is soooo time. I came to this realization as I was yelling at nobody in the garage and then yelling to (not at, just venting) my kids in the car. *We planned to go shopping this afternoon, the kids and I.
*I got a wild hair around noon that we should eat lunch and then go to a movie since the kids got movie gift cards for Christmas.
*In the interim, my mom called. Reapeatedly. I had called her to wish a happy new year and she was in bed. At 11 am. She called back I told her we were going shopping. She called back at noon, was I already out b/c she'd meet for lunch. I said no, we decided on a movie first. Anyway she called several more times and wound up kind of inviting herself, and then my dad, to go to the movie with us.
*My MIL called. At 1. She was through shopping heading home and would LOVE to take the kids while I went shopping alone, in peace. Great idea MIL but since we talked at 10 am I decided to go to a movie. She played a mini guilt trip that "too bad, I wanted to see the kids and this is my last day off for quite some time".....great, like that is my fault. Coulda mentioned it at 10 am couldn't ya?
*H called. He is on the road to Texas for 4 days picking up and delivering a cow/calf pair. Had I seen some 18" steel brackets that were in the garage before but he hadn't found them before he left......Why no I haven't seen them but now I have it in my head that I MUST FIND THEM so I can continue to be the 'fixer'....that wasted 30 minutes in the garage during which time my mom called twice to see what I was doing, what was 'the plan', etc.
So about that time my head was going to explode. I could NOT plan my day to fit my mom, my MIL, my H, my kids, AND me...
I realized it would have been so much simpler if I just decided to take the kids by myself and didn't let any phone calls or questions take me off my plan. But I do it all the time. Try to be all things to all people. I can't do it anymore b/c it makes me stressed and miserable and in the end nobody ends up happy anyway.....
OK thanks for letting me vent. I am going to try to live my life doing what I want to do and not trying to please the world and its demands of me. Big goal, huh...
I guess if you post twice, I am still the second poster and get a drink. So.... I will take a champagne and chambord. I'll go help myself to it in the kitchen after I write this. Good to see you posting again. I was wondering what you were up to, and didn't think to look in the garage. Happy New Year!
Living for you is not selfish.....it's mandatory!!! If you don't take care of you first, you will very soon have nothing to give those you love. That's the truth. I know you are not talking about taking care of yourself to the exclusion of those you love (having kept up with your sitch, I know you wouldn't begin to know how to do that). You just need to find your balance.
You are a very strong, special, woman, BobbiJo! Don't forget that!
And here's to finding the happy in 2009!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I completely agree with SC, BBJ. It's not selfish to live your life for you. If you don't, how will you be happy? No one else can make you happy sweetie.
When all else fails, don't answer the phone. Let it go to voicemail and then check what they have to say. If it's a simple "call me when you get a chance", don't call until you are done doing what you planned to do. This is truly the only way to take control of your time and your plans.
I love your goals. I couldn't ever walk 10 miles, let alone run it! You are fabulous girl! Can't wait to hear about your progress.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Just now, I ran 3.01!!! It is a start.....I wanted to push farther, I am very competitive with myself. But when I push, I get myself injured or burnt out. So I stopped at 3 miles.
I am feeling pretty good right now. I think that focusing on me, my relationship with God and with my kids, and my responsibilities as a mom and at work, will help me a lot. Having goals helps me stay focused.
Oh and on an unrelated note I really enjoyed "Bedtime Stories". It was Adam Sandler being cute/funny without being a moron. And the kids enjoyed it, too. No bad words, no big violence, etc. Just fun!
The new goals sound awesome, good for you. It's not selfishness when it is salvation stay intune to yourself and the kids and those needs must come first...do a 180 next time you have plans with the kids don't answer the phone stay with your plans.
As Mike says you are awesome and are finding your way. Happy New Year!
