Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[Trixi]

Thanks for stopping by Sally- I hope all is going really great for you

My situation did not turn out like I had hoped. I actually had insider info from SS that H had asked him his opinion and he happily gave it; that H seemed happier with me around; that it felt 'right' when we are all together vs when H, SS and RM are together...H asked my SS if he would be disappointed either decision (ie D or stay together) and SS told him that he would be VERY disappointed if H didn't stay with me. That it was obvious he loved me and that H needed to stop acting like some spoiled teenager and live up to his commitment. SS was convinced that H was on the verge of talking about fulling reconciling.

Today H and I finally "talked". H said that we couldn't continue like we have been, that it wasn't fair to either one of us, but that admittedly, it is much easier for him because he has been cake eating. Early in the convo, he was trying to say that he wasn't sure what direction he would choose, but that he would know by the end of the month. He was asking what I needed to see so that I would know that things were moving forward. He said that he felt like he wanted to seek advice from others; and he wished he could drive because he could probably use some individual counseling.
But peppered thru out, he seemed to be tossing out trial balloons like "I might make the wrong decision and then think better of it and come to you in a month and maybe you'd be there, maybe not." and "if that did happen, and I came back, you would have to hold my feet to the fire and demand certain things from me; that I meet your needs" and "Maybe it's gone on like this for too long and can't be fixed" "I am afraid to lose you, I don't want to lose your friendship and I don't want our family to be damaged" (To that I said "when you choose to walk away from a marriage, there will be collateral damage".)


Finally I said "I feel like I am being led to the slaughter and you are tossing out trial balloons" and he said "Well, I guess since I can't commit, I am leaning towards breaking it off..." and so I started packing my stuff and said "Okay. Well, I just heard you say you were breaking it off. I will take SS to rehab [in patient for 3 weeks] next week with you because I think we both need to support his sobriety. But I don't really want to take you to your arraignment or counseling because I would rather not see you." He said he could get a ride, that was fine. He also said "Well, I wasn't *saying* I wanted to break it off NOW, but I guess it's for the best....I mean, I was just saying if I had to decide today, that was how I was leaning, but I guess it's just better to do it today than to do it next week."

I told SS goodbye and he followed me to my car (after H told him to just let me go). SS said he was shocked that his dad was letting me go, but that he always comes back, so..... He also felt bad because he was just sure that H would be wanting to discuss how to move things forward. And honestly, after what SS had told me yesterday, I was a little surprised at the way things turned out, too. In fact, given how the conversation started, I am very surprised out how things ended up.

At one point I had said "On the way to the airport to go to Costa Rica, you said you loved me more than anyone in the whole world-- you can't chalk that up to being caught up in the moment". He thought it about it and said "Yeah, it's true. I do love you more than anyone in the world-- I don't know why I can't just run with that."
Me neither.