Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

[native]

Maybe I should really listen, to what he wants & has said to me several times. He has said & thinks we should D & work on our R (or M) after we D. Kind of a catch22 doesn't want to stay M or loose me (as a friends anyway) - but wants to work on things after D. DBcoach Jody said once that after D he may be at a comfortable distance to work on R or M. Do I have my answer then & its been sitting in front of me??

Wow....that is a hard place to be. The only thing that makes sense is that he may feel too much pressure to change if he is still M. Perhaps being D takes the pressure off of him.

So, what he said to me in a mans world is really what he wants, isn't it??? Gotta feeling it is .... he's just too afraid.

In a man's world, we usually say what we mean to say....I think we are more direct about what we feel or think.

I don't know if I understand him, but I will say that men are afraid of a lot of things, especially of being found out to not be a hero, just an average guy with shortcomings and failings. We don't want to fail at anything. We want to be the hero, to be admired. We need affirmation.

I remember seeing my SIL holding onto her husband's arm and saying what a great guy he was to us. I can't imagine him not liking that. It would have made me feel 10' tall to have my W do the same. Its about as important as sex I'd venture to guess.

You know, the whole band thing is very likely another way to get the ego strokes he feels he needs. You may have suggested this elsewhere, but I just want to echo that. It is a powerful ego boost for some guys. I sometimes imagine that Bono steps aside and lets me sing a song with U2 during a concert.....oh well, we have our dreams.

I hope that's helpful....