TRUSTINGS NEW BEGINNINGS

[Jeanette1120]

Hi T !

Sorry I missed your call, I'm just going to blame it on my new phone. It's too techy and I inadervtently hit wrong buttons all the time.

Try not to read too much into whats going on with him and her. It does nothing but keep you stuck analyzing every move and not moving forward like you should.

But....I understand.

I've had several weird encounters myself lately.

One would think once one is divorced it would be the end......but OH NO, it's just the beginning.

Personally, I'm waiting for Jan 2nd to start my 180. Which would be no more even trying to be nice or friendly with my ex.

Time he's held accountable.

Then and only then.......will there be a change.

I will give you a call later this week and you can catch me up to date.

Thank you for the Merry Christmas wishes

Time for us to step up and embrace our wonderful New Year!!

Hugs,

Jeanette

[TRUSTING]

8 days without ex contacting me or the kids - very weird.....

[cagzmom]

trusting - do you remember this past fall when my x lost his job?

he had ALWAYS adhered to the every other weekend. ALWAYS...then he lost his job..held on for a little bit..then he had a "CRASH" moment -- he didn't see d12 at ALL for I think 5 weeks..maybe a little less..no contact nothing. He used depression as his excuse...and it was true...but he made NO attempts.

what i am saying is he is probably deeply depressed and there is NOTHING we can do about it and it is the hardest thing EVER!!!!

it is wierd -- and wrong and sad and all that and he is an A** and -- and --

i agree something is going on ... just guard you and protect (as much you can) the little heart of your kids.

oh yeah quick question. isn't s17 living with him?

[TRUSTING]

Thanks Cagz,

I think that is what is going on. He is very depressed and looking at what he did somewhat. I am still just leaving him be.

My 17 year-old is spending more and more time with me lately. Even staying over many nights in a row.

I love it.

The tide has been turning.

[glamgirl]

Happy New Year Trusting. I do think your h is depressed too. The holidays I am sure did not help. He will come around again. It takes time for this depression to be lifted.

[forward]

Trusting, This is great but you have sounded down, too. I hope you're taking good care of yourself and have developed new interests, friends, etc..

[TRUSTING]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

MY NEW YEARS WISH FOR MYSELF AND EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD:

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is the awakening of the stander.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are... and that is O.K. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should expect of a marriage. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have brought to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything: it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn to love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you stack up. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly O.K.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take time to rest.

And just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making that happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and preseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR ITSELF. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And yo learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, jealousy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

Finally, and I know this has been long, with courage in your heart and with GOD by your side you take a STAND, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live.

[Cinderellaman]

Trusting.....THAT was FANTASTIC ! I am speachless...as one should be when wonderfulness happens.

[Cinderellaman]

I am so impressed ! Did you write this yourself ??? I truly am speechless !

[Silver Fox]

This is beautiful Trusting and I hope everyone on the board reads it.

Can you make an announcement or put it on it's own thread?