Stage 5, Acceptance

[25yearsmlc]

FIB,

Checking in...Hope you are well and that my post didn't offend. So much of it was only theoretical as I'm not sure where the lines are between work and home life either, (even for me).

We all want our children to admire us, and yours do admire you.

But where you are as a man, makes lots of the typical workaholic parts inapplicable to you. In fact, I'm curious as to how your wife got through to you way back when, to cause you to change your focus. No matter now, just curious.

Just wanted to check in with you, and say "Cheers", with only a tiny hint of irony. But with all the "poop" you've been through on your journey, (and with my odd fear of jinxing), I'm still going to throw down the gauntlet and say,

"FIB, 2009 will be a year for you that is much better, more peaceful within, and with more joy surrounding you, than ever before. You are so close to having made it through the storm"...you'll get there.

By the way, I know I've asked before and if you have no answer, that's fine...
But do you have any clarity as to how long it will be until you won't have to live under the same roof? Sorry to obsess, but I'd go nuts if I had no idea how long it'd take. Limbo stinks enough as it is. Under the same roof? Yi yi yi...

Alright, so, what's a "not-so-flippin'-nightmarish divorce look like? I never knew a "happy divorce..." But I went to my HS reunion recently and saw a couple I knew from high school who'd gotten married a month after graduation, in a shot gun type of way. Considering how young they were, they did pretty darn well. He's a physician and she finished college/has a career. Had 3 kids. Went through some hard times, as med school and that life required. Stayed married for 20+ years, and then divorced. Anyhow, they now live 2 blocks from each other to enable the children to have the least disruption, same neighbors and friends and school. I even think they rotate who stays in the family home, so the kids don't move out, but I'm not sure. Both the h and the w (now 'xh' and 'xw' to each other) were at the reunion, the h didn't bring his new wife out of respect for the ex w (and the new wife probably thought she'd be bored or uncomfortable as hell - and she'd have been correct!) and ex wife brought no date. There were no surprise reconciliations or anything, and they weren't "together", but I just noted how incredibly respectful they were to each other. No one was awkward or uncomfortable that I could tell, and they proudly showed photos of their children...like they were teammates. Gotta admit, I envied them in a weird way.
Why? Maybe b/c I worry that my own m won't ultimately make it. So, I think of them, and the goal of what an "okay" divorce would look like.

Regardless, the xh told me "what 'we' wanted at age 18 usually isn't what we want or need when we're 38, or 48..." and his ex wife said something similar. I sensed no rancor in either of them. Plus of course, People change. All of this makes me ask, as your wife is now, well, would you want to marry the woman she is today?

Assuming your answer is no.....That leaves the loss of time with your children as a big fat pain. Got it. But I know fathers in the military who can be gone for long periods, or dads who travel a lot for work, or only see their kids on weekends, for all practical purposes. I have to say, many of them have great relationships with their children. [color:#660000]I just know you won't lose their hearts and you will always be close to them. I know this.

Do you have any New Year's resolutions or goals or steps planned out for your program of GAL and PMA? I'm working on mine. I need to post my own thread but am having serious repeated problems doing so. Wrote one long one, (as usual), but it deleted suddenly. Anyhow...

Happy New Year and in your case, I really mean it, and [i]I really believe it. And faith is believing.[/i] Your journey and the book of your life is about to close a chapter. Then you'll be living the next chapter and you will be authoring it. I think we'll look back a year from now and say "well done."
(( j ))