I expected it after too much normalcy. I let myself get sucked back in and worked my plans around H and got burned again. I get angry at myself because I know better than that and then I get all cranked and it festers when H shows up. I held it all in, I even went into self protection mode, until ow came up in a generic conversation amongst a group of us. When H and I were alone again I asked H to explain. He refuses to acknowledge or talk or explain and only says go pick a fight with someone else. The more he shut down the more I let loose. I tell ya I was like a broken water pipe that couldn't be shut off! oofda!Bad WCW. Some of it was rehashing things that have gone unanswered for years and still are, some was things that I have never said to H. I called him a chicken and told him to man up and face the issues instead of ignoring.
I want to be like H, I want to run away and hit ignore. But how does that resolve anything?
This morning we were invited to breakfast with friends, and we go and act all normal and talk about upcoming plans. I wonder if anyone noticed that H was hanging off the end of the bench to stay as far away from me as he could.
Life with H still sucks but it's not as windy as it was. The rest gets better. I made arrangements and trailered some new cows home yesterday that will calve this spring. I made new contacts to set up some new clinics this year at the ranch.
A friend told H and I there was a nice article about me in a state magazine written by some people that came for help with their horses. I need to get me a copy. Too bad H called in busy that day and couldn't be here to do his part. I did it without him.
Moving forward with my life while leaving room for H to join me. He keeps peeking in the door but is still too stubborn to put his foot thru. I didn't help at all this time.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
