"As I ponder the WAS's issues I wonder if she is capable of a functional relationship. I wonder if I can forgive...."
My journey with forgivness, began after I read the detaching poem & detached from my H. And really thought about how he & his upbringing played a role in how he deals w/problems.
"In fact, I know I won't be at peace unless she knows exactly how much damage she has done, so I have begun confronting."
Good - bad - I don't know. Probably good as long as it's not in an angry way. One of my goals, was to try in little ways to make my H deal with things .... to try & pull him towards this road I'm on.
"Yes, I apologise, when appropriate, I validate as much as possible, but I also am no longer tiptoeing around the obvious....... SHE has some real issues and SHE needs to face them. Otherwise, I am not going to go back to the R as it was, because when only one person is trying it is not much of an R. (of course, I was not DBing before the bomb....who knows, perhaps things would be different now if I had started the changes before)."
Totally agree about your R statement. And it's good that you are standing up for yourself.
"Of course, she claims she was trying too, but if that is true, it was and is kinda obscured to me...."
Could be true ... since we all try what is familiar to us. If we, LBS think that we cannot find the answers to solve M problems, I think that goes double for WAS. They are totally at a loss of what to needs to be solved & how to do it.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
