He broke up with her, now I'm terrified...

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

I successfully busted our divorce - but it took a lot of painful moments for me but without this site I would have failed and now I am always reading out here hoping to help newcomers get through what is one of the worst ordeals a person can face.

I agree with Sara - go to a Retrouvaille weekend - insist on it from your H. It will show you how to communicate and how to get your marriage back on track.

Piecing is even harder than the affair phase - or it was for me at first. My H came home in July 2007 (was in an apt for 4 mos) but at the time he still was not truly done with his OW...she would ultimately start it up again and he filed for D in late Nov 2007. But it was my actions towards him and her clinginess that made him rethink the whole D idea. Once he filed he thought all would be clear and he would be good with the decision. When this didn't happen and her patience (which there really never was any) grew thin and she showed her true colors - he KNEW he made a mistake. I was just always good to him despite what he was doing to us, our kids and our marriage. I just loved him enough to let him go - despite it killing me inside.

I am rambling - what I really want to say is be prepared for further contact with him and his OW - but take the high road and keep doing what you are doing. Your actions speak volumes...

I would set up boundaries - like going to Retrouvaille, no contact with OW (even though I think there will be some)- b/c how can you really work on a marriage with a third person involved?

Trust your gut - you are doing an amazing job! Read other's sitch's - I read everything out here. Look for old postings from Grasshopper (archieved) - I think that's what the name was. ROOT (running out of time) helped me a ton!

You cannot fix your H - only he can do that for himself. Focus on you and what you can make positive in the M.

I got my first ILU last Xmas and we are still going strong this year. I still have bad dreams but not as frequently - sometimes I get angry with him but just flashes. All in all the fight was so worth it and we had to go through the flames to make this marriage last our lifetime!

I will be watching your progress and yes it will be in baby steps!

HB (not so broken anymore)