Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

[MsMelancoly]

Hi native, I think all of us LBS, think as you do - that we were the cause of our spouses running away. After DB & much time we realize that we did play a role, but were not the root cause.

Why did my H & I start dating ... because in his IC, he was happiest when he was with me. (& we had both had a crush on each other for many years). So he found his happiness within me. Hence, as you said w/your W, (& my H) they have not found their own happiness. The only other outlet my H has found happiness is when he's in a band. His 1st band fell apart (w/ other reasons as well), when his 1st M did. This band he was in fell apart as our M did.

I'm not angry at my H. I have realized that his stupid & thoughtless way of coping, is the only way he knows how to. Everything he has done, was done so the break could be easy & painless to him. I'm sure he thought if I do xyz she will want to D me & then I will not have to deal w/the turmoil within me. Actually, I feel sad for him & pity him.

If I am honest with myself, really honest - I don't think he has it in him to make the changes I need for a LTR. Sad but true, because I do love him.