Sophie, You are over analyzing his every move. Would you do this with a friend who is depressed? Learn to ignore his behavior. Plan you day, week, etc., as if he will not be around. If he shows up, fine. Your expectations are too high for this man right now. Don't call him again about seeing the kids. If he wants to play family, he'll let you know. You are now both parents because he can't be that "dad" to his children full time.
Learn to accept him the way he is right now. He is the mirror image of the man you knew pre-crisis. He's a kid again and we all know how kids are....they look to mom to take care of everything. He's got to grow up and you do not want him back the way he is right now.
Your h isn't stupid...he's in crisis/depression...there be a huge difference. If your h were stupid, he would not have gotten as far as he has in life and married you and had a wonderful family. You are being judgemental and you cannot be that way when someone is in crisis/depression. They do things that we do not approve or like, but that's depression controlling the situation.
I suggest that you go to the MLC Resoures thread and read and re-read the postings there. They will help you better understand what is going on. Also, read up on depression. Men handle depression differently than women.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
