When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Hello Tom,

Thanks again for taking the time to post. Again the similarities are staggering.

Sorry, but today I am going to rant. I messed up some things in my marriage and yes I got into a funk. I landed into a family that had tons of money and I got lazy and off track.
My W left me and our family PERIOD.
She has not looked back for a second and is moving forward at the speed of light. She prides herself with her ability to make a decision, stick with it and never look back. It's both a great thing and a very sad thing. Her parents have rewarded her her whole life when she gets into trouble by bailing her out financially.

I am emotionally drained of this whole thing. While I would do anything to have my family back together I guess there comes a point where I deserve "something", anything.....

As we both know, it takes two. My W still is blaming me 100% for the whole thing. She is out "having fun" and is into all kinds of new hobbies etc. Affluence affords a fun lifestyle 24 hours a day. I am absolutely ripped apart that I am not with my kids. For me that should be enough to want to work on things.

My W has done a fantastic job over the last year of making sure she steers clear of me so that I don't have an influence on her decision.

I am fed up. I have been working 1000% on doing what I can to improve for myself and my family. I don't even get any crumbs thrown my way. Sure my W has softened a bit and recently has even signed an email with hugs BUT seriously....there is a family here.
There was not even a discussion about that before she left. Yes, I was not open to discussion as I was always defensive. Look, I get it I messed up. I just want some relief and to be foregiven.

My W did not even send my a happy new years text.

I don't know maybe I should not be on here reading what I should and should not do???? I wanted to send her a text at midnight saying happy new years. I sent a very kind text to ever one of my friends and even her parents but not her. It all feels so un-natural. Yes, I know that is the point of all of the DB stuff.
BUT at what point do we all just say.....”we deserve to be with someone that truly loves us”. If our spouses truly loved us would they not make the effort to REALLY try to understand why they were unhappy before they left, therefore showing how much they value the marriage and the family.

My therapist basically said the main ingredient to marriage is commitment. Commitment to working through everything because your marriage is the most important thing in your life. Our WAWs did not have that commitment at all.....they walked. Sure we were to blame but what about their role?
I am not pointing the finger at my W and saying it's all her fault but I just can't believe that my W is going 100 miles and hour and never going to turn back.

Yesterday I went on the Rejoice Ministries website for the first time. I am not religious at all. I read the story of the founders. Basically the husband got up and left his wife, and years later decided he made a mistake. His wife took him back. It was not much more complicated than that. They are now dedicated to helping couples work through challenges. The big thing is that they are working with COUPLES.
I am not a couple. My WAW feels she would be better off with someone else (unknown).

I think that pretty much sums up all of us on this board. Our spouses left us, for whatever reason. We need to all recognize that and move on. If by some act of fate they change their mind we decide at the time if we want them back.

Yes, this act has changed us all and given us a great gift. It was the gift to look so deeply into ourselves to change what we can to be the best person we can. That is what I mean when I say that this was the best thing to happen to me in my life. I was unhappy who I had become and this has put me back on the right path. I just can't imagine the girl I married has no interest to even talk to me about our M given the great children we have.
She has convinced herself that everything is great and the kids are great and all is fantastic.

I think you can see I am very angry right now. I just got 2 emails from my x in-laws. Both were nice wishing me happiness for the new year with my kids. I feel like ripping a strip off them a mile wide and saying 'you rewarded your daughter for destroying a family'.

I think we kid ourselves with all this DB stuff. Yes, we do it for ourselves but the fact is this….our WAW will come back to us if they feel like it PERIOD. The truth is they usually don’t. I think if you really look at these posts that the majority of success is men coming back to their marriages. I don’t see hardly any women coming back.

My parents called yesterday and said they would like to see my W and I get back together. This is an absolute 180 for them. It was nice to hear that but it made it worse for me. I know in my heart that my W will never come back. I guess by staying on this board I keep up some kind of hope. But does hope stop us from accepting the reality …… that’s called denial.

FED UP !!!!