My Heart is Breaking #12

[25yearsmlc]

NLT,

Can't post much now. Had a really fun New Year's Eve with about 12 people including our 3 kids...really nice...

Just responding to a comment about your h being 12 years younger than a sibling...so what? We have a d11, almost 12 years younger than our s22 and (d19 too) and neither our first nor our last child was exactly "planned", but we are so grateful for all three and were excited by the first surprise and the last...I think the youngest one is a "scrapper" and has helped me feel younger longer, more active, etc. Anyhow,

don't know what it means to say your h's family always thinks they're right...do they support his decisions lately? Is he closer to them now, geographically? Were they an "issue" for him in his adult life? What was your R like with them?

ALso, sorry to harp, but each of you has things to work on. Not just him. I'm not assigning blame, simply observing what seems obvious to me. You have stuff to work on, like all of us. You have no control over what your exh will or won't work on. The SINGLE thing you have control over is what you will do with your life.

The good news is that you are in charge of that and as soon as you take charge, your life will move in new directions you never thought of before. Hey, I know you are deeply wounded. I'm just saying that where the head goes, the heart will follow. You have no power over him and that sucks. But in reality, it was always true...the illusion of control over him, was just that;an illusion.

Yes, he'll wake up someday. To what? Don't know. When? Don't know. "In time?" Don't know...it all goes back to you and the choices you make now, going forward. Look to the past for lessons and mistakes to avoid, learn from them...and then move forward. That isn't giving up hope. It's the opposite of giving up. IF you wallow in despair and focus on what HE has done TO you...you'll be stuck where you are and stay stuck, as a victim...

Or are you someone who took a blow to the gut hard, slipped and fell...and then got up? Are you a victim or a survivor? I think so.

It's all up to you now. You know the financial dimensions, you have no kids to deal with (I know there's a huge downside to that, but since it cannot be changed now, look at the upside instead...) so you have a lot of freedom...

Try to use that freedom wisely, grow closer to Him, know yourself, grow as a woman and friend...and trust the results to Him. Do your best as a woman and then turn it over.

((( hugs )))
j-