That is funny, Lwb! I got in with the boys about 8:30 this evening after pushing on through 13 hours on the road. I decided to take a peek in on all my good friends here to wish them a great new year, and then was going to come back to bump my own thread with the latest. And then here you are already. I thank you dearly.
We had a very good time all-in-all with the family. I got to see my mom and visit with my two brothers and their families. We celebrated my oldest's 8th birthday (time to update my sig) and we had a blast together. I won't say there weren't some tension concerning some of the typical family dynamics, but all was good nonetheless.
The big problem is with my (for now) in-laws. My W's sister (SIL) and her family live about 40 miles away from my mom in the same metropolitan area (if one can truly call any city in Mississippi "metropolitan", that is). So I made ever offer to try to get the extended family there to get some time with my two S's. My mother extended a very warm invitation to all of them to come share in S8's birthday, but in the end only SIL showed up.
I understand that this was a work week for most so I offered another opportunity to either have them come visit, we meet somewhere else, or I drive down. At S8's birthday party, I had cleared this with my SIL and she seemed more than receptive.
Finally, I drove down so that my niece (age 16) could visit with my S's who she (supposedly) loves so much and so that we could also visit with W's father who lives in a trailer now on the same property. We drove 42+ miles down poor country roads just to get there in plenty of time before my niece would be leaving for her work. All day and during the trip down I tried calling to see if she or anyone else was there or not, but got no answer. I began to wonder if they had recently changed their phone number and I had just not been informed.
But when I got there no one was home, my S's cousin had already left (this was more than two hours before she was to have left for work.) But we went next door to visit with my S's grandpa as we had planned. He was truly glad to see that we showed up, and I have since come to realize that he really did not think I was going to make the trip all that way. So he seemed fairly surprised and pleased to see we did. We stayed for about forty to fifty minutes, not too long as their grandfather is not in the best of health, physically speaking, and gets winded easily.
The niece never showed and we assumed she had just decided to leave early before heading into work.
On the drive back I stewed over the fact that the cousins and SIL's husband (my brother-in-law by marriage, for now), who I thought got along quite well with all of us including me personally, could not be bothered to see S8 or S4 if I were along. I especially felt hurt that my niece might be blowing us off, the very person I helped babysit and care for when she was but a baby. I felt like I was now persona non grata to them.
Now I realize I am likely projecting my own disappointment and hurt onto this situation. After all, I don't know they did not want to see us or me. But I can't help but feel that this is how my ex-father-in-law and (especially) my ex-step-father-in-law (W's stepfather) must have felt when W's mother (my MIL, the WWOT*) dumped them to move on to someone else. I recall how hurt my brother-in-law (BIL) was hurt when MIL's second husband (SFIL1) was jettisoned after some 20 years being in their lives. BIL and SFIL1 got along very well together and had a good friendship, but SFIL1 was verboten after the divorce. In fact, so many of us were shocked and saddened at how quickly SFIL1 was alienated. Even W was disappointed that it was done so readily.
With that precedence, however, I feel that my niece and nephews and my BIL have all concluded that I am yesterday's news, deadman walking. This wasn't quite the case the last time I talked with them but seems to have germinated about the time of W's trip to visit them in October. I can't be faulted for suspecting that someone -- either W or MIL (or both) put the word out to them.
I will also never forget the parting handshake from BIL when I saw him last eighteen months ago, just weeks after the bomb -- he seemed to be choked up and fighting back distraught, as if this was to be the last time he ever saw me and he was remembering the pain from past "sunderings" in this warped family. And given what has happened upon this latest trip, I guess my impressions were right.
Part of me is very angry right now. I know that if this is indeed the case, that W and/or MIL have laid down the "law" with the family, then they have gone too far.
(I also take from this that the niece-to-niece grapevine has been severed. Which is not surprising since there has been no news from that quarter in a very long time now, not that I've pried.)
What kills me the most is hearing what my S8 had to say. I offered to take both he and his brother to their cousin's place of work just to see if she had a moment to say "Hi" before we traveled all the way back home the next day. S8 said no. I had to ask him three times to make sure I understood him, because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Each time he said "No" and then finally said to me, (and I paraphrase) "if we drove all this way down here and she didn't bother to stick around to see us, then she won't want us to bother her at work either."
The way he said that I could tell he was hurt and a bit disappointed, but also a bit angry.
I hate, hate, hate how this is hurting my kids... I am so hurt by how this might affect my two little ones that I catch myself swearing to never bother with these weak-willed in-laws ever again.
But then I remember that that is not what my Lord would have me do. I know this cannot be easy for them either, and I know the fault does not lie with them, not entirely. I must continue to try to keep that bridge open to them, even if they continue to knock it down or allow W to burn it down every time.
Sorry for the long post. But that's what I'm known for.