Thanks folks! Whatis has returned after a wonderful family evening bringing in the New Year. We went to the restaurant and it was packed yet we only waited about ten minutes for a table. We dined on Peking Duck (which kind of screwed up my vegetarian diet) and returned to STBX's to watch a movie together and then bring in the New Year. I'd dropped some party supplies over to STBX's earlier in the day. At the door STBX thanked me for the dinner and the party, she told me to drive safely as I had been drinking (ha ha, two glasses of non-alcoholic wine). It's so nice to be together as a family and especially when STBX actually talks to me as a person, the way we used to talk. I can actually tell her about events in my day or week and get some real conversation. So that about ends another holiday season, I did survive! I hope everyone else out there had a great New Years too
We've got 10 minutes to midnight. My H is on his way from the airport and probably won't make it. D28, SIL30, GD9 and D16 are playing a game. I am waiting for the countdown with the dogs cuddled up with me. I love hearing the laughter coming from the dining room. It's been great seeing my D28 and family, but I am eager to get back home after 2 weeks away.
I am so glad your NY's eve went so well, Wii. May the day go well too.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks for thinking of me as the clock ticked down, Being Me! It's these kinds of actions that have touched me so much over the past year in all parts of my life. In my daily reading today it said:
" Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day' surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. it will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity"
Yes, It made me think of all the amazing things that have come out of the past few years of hurt and pain. Because of my M disintegrating and my need to reach out and receive from others I have learned to give as well. I have had experiences that will live in my heart for the rest of my days, I'm sure we all have if we look for them. I think of Being Me who posts to me at 11:55 pm on New Years Eve! All the other Dbers who have encouraged me and stood with me through the year. The co-worker who breaks down in tears when she hears the real story behind my break up and tells me she's there for me, another co-worker who came to my office specifically to share his horrible story so that I wouldn't feel alone, my Coffee Buddy who connected with me on a very human and caring level by listening tearfully and sharing her story just to show me that "no matter how bad it gets, it will always get better", a brother who said "Whatis, you're my hero", a best friend who turned to me one night and said "Whatis, I love you", a church community that soothed me when I needed to feel loved. Would these things have happened if my life had been nothing but pure joy? I'm sure there are so many more of these incredible experiences to remember and today being the first day of 2009 I am thankful for them all.
Happy New Year. Glad to see your New Year's eve went as well as it could. I would guess that her treating you civily is unsettling, because you never know when the "Ugly Twin" will come out. It's also sort of maddening, because it shows how easy it could be if she would buy into the program, and make good on her commitment to YOU.
Here's wishing you a better 2009. When you least expect it, something will happen for you.
Hi FLTC, her treating me civily is actually not "unsettling" because I don't expect anything from her. If she's civil and pleasant then I'm happy but I don't expect that it will or will not continue, it doesn't matter. Certainly, it's best for our family if she and I get along as best we can but what is is and what isn't isn't! I've let go of hope and that's kinda freeing I've concluded that my STBX was severely emotionally deprived as a child and just has no concept of what is too much to expect from someone else. She's just an emotional pit that can only be filled until the hole deepens somehow. You can never fill such a hole for very long, as I well know! The only way for her to put herself back on track is to take responsibility for her emotional well being rather than look to others to fill that emotional void. I can't do that and neither can OP, but the kicker is that I don't have to try anymore! If I think something I can do will help, I will do so otherwise I'm not worrying about her and her well being UNLESS it's affecting my kids, now that's where the unsettled feeling may come into play, not in regards to my expectations or hopes regarding her or our R. Make sense? Happy New Year, FLTC!!!!
First, as sarcastic as we both are, I really want to thank you for your constant feedback. You're a great guy and good things will happen for you! (No, I'm not gay, and I'm hopelessly heterosexual!)
A friend I work with put it to me this way: "Be a good father, take care of your kids and all else will follow". You're right on target there.
My relationship with the woman from the gym continues to get better every day. This kind of thing will fall on you when you LEAST expect it and you're NOT looking for it.
Your wife is just like mine: "Nothing's too good for wii, and nothing is what he'll get". Hopelessly lacking confidence, waiting for something or someone to make them happy! We KNOW how that works!
Oh gosh, yes. We are the psychic readers of our spouses, predetermining every wish, every need, every desire. We must always be strong and 'there' for them, while we get nothing (although my H seems to have changed in this regard to some extent). I still get the bored look when talking about my interests, while he can go on and on about his work and other stuff and I must be endlessly interested (which I usually am because I care about him). At this time in my life when I am going through some scary health issues, now he wants to talk about how unhappy he is, and how everything he touches turns to sh!t (sorry, his words)? One thing that can cause seizures is stress, so now I am worried about him, but trying not to stress out. Let me point out, he chose this career, he chose to travel, he chose all this (and we, his family, just has to fit into his plans), he wanted to come here where it ended up being difficult to travel from (for another great job) and now when it's not quite working out perfectly (the weather at this time) he wants to complain? He should be grateful for the excellent job he has, IMHO, at this time when the economy sucks.
Sorry Wii, for hi-jacking. Just something FLTC said that pressed a button for me. Had to get it out. Will post it to my thread too.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
No problem, Being Me! We all have to let loose once in a while...I'll mop up later Well, STBX seems to be back to her normal self now, last night she laid into D11 because D started badgering her for a new pair of winter boots. D had asked me previously and I had said I'd talk to her mom but forgot to. So, D took it into her own hands...bad move! STBX responded with "I've had a hard day, why do I always have to make all the decisions, I'm always the bad guy around here..." then marched off. Ahh,so good to have the world back to the way it should be! Does any of this sound familiar FLTC? Anyway, when she calmed down we discussed the issue with D11 and came up with a decision. I apologized to D for forgetting to ask but asked her in future to remind me if I have not gotten back to her about something I said I'd do. I've also made a decision to return to the church I left three months ago. I always seem to end up back there for events anyway, I miss the people and I have a good relationship with all the Pastors. I left due to feeling a bit uncomfortable about the worship style as I wasn't raised in a church where, let us say, emotional expression was OK. I've discussed this with one of the Pastor's and she helped me realize that I may not be a prayer warrior or a "Praise the Lord" kind of guy but I have things to contribute that are just as important to a congregation. I think I may have left because I was in the midst of dealing with one year anniversary of our separation and felt rather low, like a failure and when I'd go to church I'd feel I wasn't cutting it there either. But over the past few months I end up back there frequently and realized that this is where I feel my Christian home is and therefore have returned. I began attending the bible study again this week and it was so nice to see the joyful expressions on peoples faces when I arrived. Their greetings made me realize I was missed. Possibility Lady (remember her? a sweetheart but way to young for me!) came in greeted me happily and announced to everyone "I'm going to sit with Whatis tonight" Yup, nice to be back there! So that's the update from the world of Whatis, don't let all the excitement keep you up tonight folks! Hey, Being Me, I've started reading a book about an American MP company in Iraq, it's called "Patrolling Bagdad" Y'know, you may leave the army but the army never leaves you! I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing Take care.
Well, Whatis got into it yesterday! D14 phoned her mother in tears because I refused to allow her to go shopping with a friend today. Earlier in the week I had told D14 about plans for Saturday night and if she had any plans she'd like to make e.g. sleepover at a friends etc she needed to firm them up and let me know ASAP as I needed to find somewhere for her and D11 to hang out while I was out. So, yesterday night at 11 pm D14 tells me she wants to go shopping with a girlfriend, who lives out of town. This would require some planning for rides etc so I said NO. I reminded her that I had given her ample time to advise me of what she'd like to do and she chose not to do so, she'd made her bed and now she could sleep in it. I was not going to jump through hoops to make her shopping trip happen, it was too late. So, she phoned her mother and, of course, left out the part about me giving her ample time to firm up her plans. STBX phoned me this morning asking what had happened as D had phoned her in tears describing how unreasonable I was being. I told STBX what happened and she said that she could bail D out but wouldn't because she needed to learn a lesson in regards to proper planning. So we both agreed that if D wanted her friend to come in from out of town that it could be arranged this week for next weekend, she could stay with STBX. I think STBX was happy not to be the bad guy this time and to actually have her D phoning her to complain about me! Fun times.
