Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

[native]

'I wonder as our spouses wander around, out there in OZ still trudging through the forest looking for the yellow brick road .... did we move it on them?? After DB is just getting your spouse back, is that not enough anymore? Did we change the rules??'

Perhaps I was thinking out loud about my own sitch. Her behaviour and actions have in my case made me wake up to the fact that SHE has some real problems, not just me, as she says.

As I ponder the WAS's issues I wonder if she is capable of a functional relationship. I wonder if I can forgive....

In fact, I know I won't be at peace unless she knows exactly how much damage she has done, so I have begun confronting.

Yes, I apologise, when appropriate, I validate as much as possible, but I also am no longer tiptoeing around the obvious....... SHE has some real issues and SHE needs to face them. Otherwise, I am not going to go back to the R as it was, because when only one person is trying it is not much of an R. (of course, I was not DBing before the bomb....who knows, perhaps things would be different now if I had started the changes before).

Of course, she claims she was trying too, but if that is true, it was and is kinda obscured to me....

I don't know about you, but I struggle with anger towards her every day....

And I still love her in spite of it all....but I won't let her treat me like she has anymore.

I am not the cause of her unhappiness.