Separated for 2 months... ice is thawing a little

[Choosing_Life]

So, after W declined my invitation for coffee yesterday, we ended up talking on the phone for more than an hour that night. Convo followed a similar pattern to most of ours recently, but overall was a surprise because I had been thinking her taking a pass on my coffee suggestion meant she didn't want to have anything to do with me (darn negative thought patterns again, although at least this time I realized and examined it) yesterday, which I guess it didn't since she clearly wanted to talk. I guess she just doesn't feel comfortable doing "normal" stuff in our home yet.

So then, today, I am taking her "the check" and she invites me into her new place to have a cup of coffee... we talk for almost two hours, get through a slightly tense conversation about a topic (our daughter's clothing preferences) that had previously led to full-blown arguments. W told me she just wanted me to listen to her vent and I was like, "Oh, you mean I don't have to put pressure on myself (while projecting my self-torment onto W) to solve this problem? Phew! I can just listen to your feelings about it... that's cool."

Anyway, here's what's got me all topsy-turvy... as I was leaving I told her "I don't want this to feel like a pressure thing, but if you want some company for New Year's Eve, you can come over and celebrate with me..." I was not expecting what happened next... she gave me a hug. And not just a quick, friend hug, but a longer, wife-y sort of hug. Unrequested, unsolicited, and totally unexpected. Can't even REMEMBER when the last time that happened was! Anyway, she said, "I hope that didn't feel like a pressure thing," and I just said, "Nope, it felt great!" We said our goodbyes, and I sat there in the car with my heart pounding wondering if maybe, just maybe, there is hope for us still.

I am not even sure what I am doing that seems to be improving things... but I guess I will keep doing it!

Happy New Year, everyone! Thanks for being here with me... this journey is lonely enough, at least we have each other.