I think the biggest problem that I am having is that H is not repentant. He hasn't said anything about being wrong or sorry.
He needs to go. Sorry, it's true.
He has no respect for you and will continue to cake-eat as long as you let him, all the while inflicting emotional scars that can take you years to overcome.
1) If he is in an active affair, you are wasting your time trying to get him to come around. Give him some curb time. 2) HE needs to be the one who comes to YOU and says he would like to work on the R. Until then? Curb time.
I'm not saying be some raving lunatic biatch, but you need to be firm and let him know you will NOT play second fiddle in a three-way R.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
