Sophie, No you don't get it. You are still expecting him to do what you think he should be doing. He's not living at home, he's separated and most likely divorced from you in his mind already. He's definitely emotionally detached from you and you aren't helping the situation any by calling him.
If your h wants to spend time with the kids, he'll make the effort. You can't make him do it nor is it your job to make him feel guilty about it. Step back and think about what you are doing...you are acting like his mother and not his wife and/or friend. Your h has told you that he doesn't want to play family, so leave him out there to play single for a while.
Leave him alone, do not contact him unless it is an emergency. The less you pursue, the more likely he will start coming around. Stop expecting him to be what he use to be....a loving husband and father. That man is gone for a long while.
Focus on your kids, home and family and once again, leave him out there to swing in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
