Ok Folks I need advice fast my sitch has just changed!!!!
My w texted her mother from the resort earlier today and said that she was breaking off the "friendship" for good. My MIL called me to let me know. She has now canceled plans to have her friends stay there and is staying at our house.
On my way to see my brother in another city my W called from the resort to tell me that she was changing the plans and would be at our house instead. After I hung up I felt a little frisky and took a page from trapt's play book. I texted her saying "do you look hot on the ski hill in your new ski suit?" Shortly after I received a text from her saying "I miss you" I texted back "I miss you too".
It gets better.
I got to my brothers house and she called, she made small talk then told me that she wanted to try and do a couple of fun things together, then maybe try a date. She started talking about how skiing could be our thing for the winter. She talked about going to counseling by herself, then the two of us going together. She asked me if I would like to go on a date with her , of course I said yes not trying to sound too excited. I suggested that we each plan one fun event for us to do. She agreed.
I didn't want to rush things and scare her off so I made sure that I told her that our fun events would have no pressure.
Now, I need some input as how to proceed. From talking to her mother it sounds like my W was out searching for something and now realizes she has it at home. I still don't want to get my hopes up too much just yet, but WOW this is crazy. I guess sitting back and letting her figure it out may be working.
The original plan was that she was going to spend New Years Eve with her friends from England and I was spending it here at my brothers. She threw out that perhaps they drive here and get a hotel room, but it's a 5 hour drive and then we would be heading back the next day. I feel like I want to drive back and see her now so that we can talk face to face, but again I don't want to look to anxious. Over the phone I told her that we have to sit down and talk she said I guess because I am throwing all of this at you.
She told her mother earlier "how can I go back after all of this" and my MIL told her that people can recover from EA and PA, she called me after that. So I want to create and encouraging environment but not apply much pressure. I am trying not to over think this AGAIN and I need to go with the flow. But this is making my mind spin. All of these months of being alone and I am now seeing signs of hope. I don't want to blow it!!!!
She wanted to do more skiing so I called back and suggested that I could take sunday off (I am working), and we could go. She told me that she had just made plans to go with another couple (because I was working) but that she would talk to them to see if if was ok that I tag along. She is getting back to me.
Anyway that's alot of stuff but WOW and Holy Crap! Quick question is it rushing things if I suggest that I go home and spend New Years Eve with them? or just stick with the plan and visit with my brother.
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Hey Jeff, what a great turn of events.... You just never know what they are going to do.
The one thing I would say is that you need to breathe deep and relax. I know the excitement that gushes through our veins when stuff like this happens. You do not want to come off as pushy or obsessive in this.
Her wanting the counselling is great and I might suggest that while she is doing her IC, you do some IC of your own to help you maintain through this process. If she is really going to deal with all of this there will be some times in this process where she is very down having to face the choices that she has made and it can be really easy for you to misread this and take it as YOU being the reason she is down.
It is apparent to me that she will want to talk to you about her choice here. You need to be prepared to LISTEN. You must let her control the pace of that conversation and allow her to lead you through it.
Anyway, I am sure you will get plenty of advice on here, so suffice it to say that I am very happy for you today and cannot think of a better New Years present.... way to go buddy.
Jeff, This is great news, but you are going to have to remain cool and calm. She's talking the talk, let's see if she actually do the work that is required to get herself back on track.
As for New Year's Eve, I would go on w/my original plans to go to your brother's and enjoy the evening. There's no need to appear needy and/or anxious at this point. She needs to know that you are there for her, but she also needs this time to really think through what she's doing.
Listen, listen and listen. Validate, etc.
Happy New Year's to you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This is sounds awesome, DIG DEEP my friend. This has to be very tough for you as far as what to do on New Years. It would be nice to spend it with her, but I have would have to agree with snodderly. I can imagine being in your shoes right now and I know it may not be what you want to hear. I would stick with your plans.
In the end the decision is yours, but if you were to cancel now and rush back, how would that look? You are in a good position right now, and this is going to put your patience to the test. I'm praying for you man. Find a quiet place and talk with the big man. Ask him for help and guidance.
Wow Jeff I am so excited for you. Go on with your plans for New Years Eve. After all there may be many New Years ahead. Let her do what she had planned to begin with. Might not be as fun now without you.
I am not even sure of the ski thing on Sunday. Let her lead and take one day at a time. Don't overwhelm her with your presence.
Listen, listen, listen validate and then listen again.
Holy Crap is right. Good work! I hope the New Year brings happiness for the both of you.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I will listen to your advice and am staying at my brothers, it will be fun and I guess I have to control my urge to be with her, Baby steps!!! I find myself thinking about the future but I need to slow down the present. I'll give her a call and wish her a happy new year but I will be casual.
Happy New Years Everyone , I hope we all find great things in 2009.
Hey T, Blue it is! it's -20 Celsius here and we will be jumping into the hot tub the cold will keep me sober! Murder mystery and a little Rock Band on the Wii.
Snodderly and Ian, thanks for all the support it's been a huge help.
Glamgirl you rock!
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I'm glad to see that you went to your brother's. You will need to slow down a bit and do not be too hasty with her. She's still quite fragile and will need to be handles w/love from afar for a while.
Happy New Year! I do believe it's going to be a very exciting year...2009...for everyone!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
