Hi glam, na & peace- Yes, sometimes there does seem to be a cycle . Yes, I probably try to start R talks when I shouldn't. I just get so tired of this. My H doesn't want to step up to the M nor is he willing to let me go...at times this can be torture. Last week I was feeling like we have a small window of time to really make some progress because my H's crazy trial schedule will now start in Jan. For now, I need to let things go...I need a refill on patience and not sure where to get that.
My H came over on Sat. and Sun. No R talk. Things seemed really good between us as long as there is no pressure. My H and I have C on Weds...I guess I need to leave the R talk for then. I want resolution...I am just not sure I am ever going to get it until my H does some serious work on himself.
I haven't been posting much...I have been busy and trying not to spend more time than I have to dwelling on what my H does. Staying busy does helps me. If I spend too much time trying to figure out my H, it leads to my frustration and ultimately R talks with my H.
Since my last post, I came very close to telling my H I am done. Last week, my H was extremely avoidant of dealing with anything and still coming up with lots of excuses for everything...including trying to get out of C at the last minute. He did end up showing up at C in the last few minutes of the session after the C and I had spent the whole session talking about how my H has really made very little progress lately. The C let my H know that if he hadn't shown, that I was more than likely done. Since then, things seem a little different...since my H and I have seen each other everyday but one and that day we did talk. There has been no R talk except at C.
We had C again last night. My H made a lot of admissions last night...that I have changed, that he has used work to keep me a distance, that we need to start making some progress and that my request for some kind of daily contact was not unreasonable. He even agreed the C that we should try to spend one or two nights per week together. After C we went to dinner and where my H said we need to move forward or move on. Later he came back home with me and he did spend the night which was really nice but, of course, he had many complaints...he doesn't know where the lights switches are in my house...the house is too cold...he didn't sleep well...blah, blah, blah. I know my H is trying but it is still a little frustrating when he is constantly looking for the less than positive or any reason he can come up with why he is better off not being with me.
When my H left, he told me he would call me later today. So I am grateful for this progress but still trying to keep my expectations loooow!
Gee Upside. It has been 2 years since my h has spent the night. I wish that would change. I did mention to him what was he afraid of. His response was so expected, Glam I can expect about every 6 weeks you fly off the handle about something.
See it really is all about me.
Expectations low that is exactly where they need to be and just continue to get stronger on this journey.
I know that if h left I would be fine, but I would just enjoy being m to my h rather than anyone else.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hey glam- That was the first time my H spent the night at my house in a couple of months. We will see if my H follows through with staying over a night or two a week. I am still trying not to count my chickens!
Your H's comment about you flying off the handle every 6 weeks is interesting. Do you think that is true? Do you think he provokes you? Have you discussed with your H that his expectation of a conflict free relationship is unrealistic? He needs to know that all relationships have some conflict. It is just how both people deal with that conflict that makes the difference...and isn't that what you are in C for? MLCers can find all kinds of excuses to justify their behavior or lack of movement.
My H did follow through and called me last night. It always makes me feel a little better when he follows through...and it does seem like he is making more of an effort to do just that. I hope it continues.
I thought it was interesting during C the other night, my H talked about how he is no longer angry. I hope that is true because anger is such a big part of MLC. Later in the session, I asked if he was ready to start taking down some of his walls and let me in. My H said he was but we will see. I think he still has a lot to work through. He is still resisting and finding reasons why he isn't completely sure he wants to recommit to the M.
Hi na- Merry Christmas to you too. Thanks for all of the support you have given me through the year. It has had it's ups and down but I am definitely in better place than I was last year and hopefully next year I will be in an even better place. I am so happy for you and where your M is at...I hope your M continues to be better and stronger as time goes by.
Not much new in my sitch. My H have been seeing each other but it isn't as much I would like...fortunately I have been too busy to really put that much thought or concern into it. He and my step-D were over tonight and they will be over tomorrow afternoon for awhile. They leave early Christmas morning for their trip. I am not really sure what will happen when they get back since my H will be going back into "trial mode". At our last C session, he promised that he would still be able to work on the M even with his work schedule but we will see. I am not going to dwell on it for now...I am hoping I will stay busy enough not to let things get to me. I guess if I'm not, I can always find ways to make myself busier...but somehow I just need to turn off that little voice in my head that tells me I want more than this
I wish a very Merry Christmas to all of you here. I have said before that I don't know where I would be without this board. I will forever be grateful to those who have given me their support and friendship...and to all of those who have put their stories out there...I believe we really are helping each other even if we post to each other or not.
I had a very nice and busy Christmas. I had family over to my house so there was lots of cooking and cleaning going on. My H and step-D came over on Christmas Eve before they left for their trip. We all exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve...my H gave me and the kids some some very nice gifts...hopefully they liked what we got for them. My mother and her husband showed up at my house shortly before my H left. My H asked her about us all going on a trip for Christmas of 2009.
I just spent some time re-reading some of my old posts. It was interesting because I do see that my H and I have made progress this last year...but no where near as much as I would have liked. Even with the progess, it seems like right now I am struggling with trying to keep my feelings alive for my H. I am feeling like I am just not sure how much I care if the M survives. Part of me is ready to move on completely. I wonder how compatable this "new H" and I really are. I wonder how long he will go on making excuses to keep distance between us.
Maybe I am feeling this way because we haven't really had any opportunity to work on the M lately. Maybe it is because I can see that he is broken and has so many unresolved issues that he chooses to avoid. Maybe it is because he is away now and when he gets back, he will be busy again with work. Maybe it is because I want so much for someone to want to be with me and to make effort instead of excuses.
