I've been dbing for 9 months - h thinks I'm doing just great and is enjoying his new relationship with the ow he thinks may be "the love of his life" - probably on a guilt-free basis! But what's the point in him feeling guilty anyway? I care about him and want him to be happy, have forgiven him while at the same time recognize that alot of his behaviour has been less than what I deserve.
So, what about dbing? Here's what I think at this point:
1. dbing can work very well in restoring a marriage if the WAS is truly confused and wants to work through that confusion; in other words, if they have any hope left for the m
2. if the WAS is captivated by an op, forget dbing to restore the marriage; make sure you're doing it only for yourself
3. if the #2 is the case, truly let go, move on; if you want to, start dating and don't hesitate to indirectly let your h know that you're doing it
4. dating other people won't keep your h away if he truly at some point realizes that it's you he wants; a pathway of fire won't hold someone back from someone they love
5. to keep the door open to the h crossing that pathway of fire, sure, stay nice and friendly (just like you would to a neighbour), but go dark as much as possible ONCE they have seen the changes in you
6. keep those changes up, for you, not him; and he'll hear about it or see it in those few contacts you may have
7. and if fate would have it and he returns, well, you've gone on with your life without building up more hurt, pain and emotional damage; without denying yourself any opportunities for growth and happiness. Patience does not mean waiting. And who knows, you may find something that brings more happiness to your life than the potential for a restored marriage. Because even if h comes back, the piecing is not guaranteed. They have to really want it and they're less likely to want something that they think they could have had all along.
Sometimes it's just not meant to be and sometimes it is - dbing can't change that reality it can only make it easier either way -for us, not them.
