You came all this way to...what, exactly? Almost 4 years into this, and...
Not smacking you man, several people have more than certainly put their time in, you are deffinately one of them, just making sure you realize how much time you put in as a factor in your decision.
You are one of the ones that can adn should walk tall and proud of your actions no matter the choice you make.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey Fixer! I hope you had a nice Christmas! I bet your D was excited eh?
I agree w/ Jack, 4 yrs was when it finally stopped for me, well actually my ex filed and began procedures before that, but I guess 4 yrs was when I pretty much felt for me, I couldnt fight it- its what he wanted,and it was out of my control, diff sit for you, I didnt really have a choice but 4 yrs felt like the time I was more then ok with it, after fighting it for so long
Whatever you chose, like a lot of us, whatever decision, you can so hold your head up h igh, no one can say you didnt try if thats the route you eventually chose. 2 yrs after my D, I am not a bit ashamed or even upset at this point, things are actually better for me now without my ex, and he is just now starting to shake off the cobwebs, but I am glad I have a different life again, thats ME, no one can say whats best for you, but again whatever it is, you are a good man, a strong man and a fantastic father, no one can take that away from you
Happy New Year
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
You're a good man. Thanks for the kind words and the warning about piecing! I've told my W to grow up. She's planning on going away on another cruise. Her reasons for going are complicated and noble for an MLC'er. I've been seriously thinking about moving out this summer. I don't know how D10 will take it, but I'm sure it won't be too good.
When you were piecing, did she tell you she LY? I want to plan a future with my W, not schedule a time when I can see her. She loves to party and her friends come before me or our D.
Karen - I'm trying to be strong. I'm afraid that this is all I'm going to get from her. I want a W who's committed to our R, not a roommate.
Yes she did, it took me almost a year before I believed her for true. Don't get me wrong, my heart soared when she said ILYs, but you know...fool me once type of thing.
I was talking with Frank about piecing...if you are so happy they came back...that you don't stand up for yourself...you will fail, like Frank did awhile back.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 12/30/0805:31 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My W gave me some crap today about "what I'm not doing in the house." I told her what I have bee doing is for me and not for her. I also told her that she brings my faults to my attention, I'll work on them when I want and when I can.
I wasn't rude or angry, I was honest and to the point, with sincerity.
It's nice to hear from you!! I hope all is well and I wish you a Happy New Year!
I'm not as patient as I need to be. I'm doing my best with little success. The only time she speaks is when she's drunk. She yells and tells me what I'm not doing. Then she told me, the only time I validate is when I'm drinking. I told her she needs to talk for any validation to happen.
I've learned to use my validation skill with everybody. It's a skill I hope I never forget how to use.
I listened to an old voice mail message from my W three months ago, that was on my cell phone. Her tone was a lot different than now. She sounded angry and she used harsh words, it gave me the impression that she wanted to pick a fight. The odd part is the reason I saved the message was b/c I thought she sounded more civil.
Today, her messages don't come across as angry and her tone is much softer. She explains what she's doing, but doesn't sound like she trying to defend herself.
Last night she slept on the couch. I knew this was going to happen, so it didn't bother me. When I brought it to her attention this afternoon, she explained in detail every little thing she did before she fell a sleep. I think if I woke her up to come to bed she would of. I hugged her for a few minutes, until she started getting uncomfortable. Then I kissed her on the cheek. I bodly told her she needed to have sex and that her mood would be better. I expected her to tell me to get lost, but she looked like she was thinking it over. If I know how she operates is correct. Any thought of her wanting to ML (if she agrees its a good idea) would be in two months.
My W surprised me last night. She talked about plans to go with a GF away for the weekend. The way I remember it was they were going to leave on Friday and stay until Saturday. Thursday night she packed her bags and said she'll see me Sunday. I told her how I thought she was leaving on Friday. She said she was but she was going to sleep over her GFs house so they could get an early start.
Then she hugged me for a bit and said goodbye. I was hurt, but kept it inside. Then she came back and hugged me again with another goodbye. When she finally left I felt this saddness that I haven't experienced in a very long time.
Just when I was protecting my feelings from her something like this happens.
