You have to really make the effort to consciously follw the DB rules. Right now your wife is not the wife you know or knew and love. It's tough but you HAVE to break old patterns and habits that do not work.
Some who arrive here in the begining think their spouse will be different, they will talk and listen. You will soon learn this is almost always not the case. You have to stay upbeat and just go with the flow right now. It is one of the most difficult things to do at first. You can do it, have patience, there are no quick fixes to this. It has to run it's course and you have to stay the course. The changes you will need to make will not come overnight. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, just own it and get back on the DB track.
You can do it. Focus on what you can change.... you. You are going to have to really dig deep for some serious patience like never before. You can do it.
