Although, being aloof has always been a way for me to be less vulnerable...And vulnerability is not a strong point for me...the possiblity of being hurt has always made move in the opposite direction.
You do know it is possible to be vulnerable and yet guarded right? You can open yourself up and still be aware of certain oddities or red flags. There is a difference in being guarded and looking for issues right?
Ian, yes small risks...such a hard thing to do at first...so I guess what I am doing at this time is 'getting my feet wet'? LOL!
Trusting myself and anyone else for that matter is not an easy thing to do...however, I think that by getting my feet wet...I am beginning to trust myself more...to know what I want for ME...for my ENTIRE life. I also know what I am not going to tolerate either.
SO, just trying to let my guard down a little but seems like I choose the wrong people or maybe I am overly sensitive or something. Oh well...
Thanks for having faith in me, Ian...
Happy Hanukkah!
Valentine
Last edited by Valentine; 12/22/0805:33 PM.
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Okay, so the 'nice man' I met does like to play games. Thus ends my very brief foray into internet dating. I am done with that. I don't think I am ready for that---and maybe I will never be...
I have decided that I am okay with being alone...I don't need romantic male company right now---even though I DO miss it. I have the Diva, my family, my friends, a good job, I am nearly divorced and above all, God loves me just as I am. Not that I couldn't use more work! LOL!
Look, all I am saying is that those of us in this boat need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves.
I learned something about myself with this 'dating' experience...I learned what I will and will not tolerate. I learned to say NO to men with bad behavior.
Looking back over the last 3.5 years, I see how Spongebob was just downright MEAN to me. I don't know if he went through an MLC or if he finally let the mask on his face fall off to become the person he always was inside. True, there were other factors in our marriage that contributed to his acts of betrayal, but I truly wanted to work on those factors. I wanted to work on MY shortcomings. He, on the other hand, had already made his 'decision'. So, you have to let it go and move on and see what else the Lord has in store for you. I believe that He took my ex and marriage away to bring something infinitely better in my life. I believe that with all my heart.
So, my fervent wish for all of you this coming year, is that you all move towards whatever it is that YOU believe in and that you find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Happy New Year!
Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
