out of clever titles

[hoosiermama]

Hoozh,

I struggle with this as well. I think that sometimes you have to be The Taker, and not just The Giver. I am a pleaser, too, and it emphatically DOESN'T lead to mutually-healthy relationships.

This line was a classic:

Gratitude is apparently not a good basis for relationships.

Puppy

I'm not a very good Taker. It makes me feel--insecure. Afraid I'll become dependent. Or a pain in the butt. So of course I always find myself in relationships in which I am the giver. And I think that's why people don't tend to stay in touch with me--once they don't need me any more. Hence, my currently empty life; I'm not in a position to be a giver, and that's probably pretty clear.

On the other hand, H is very much a taker. Has many relationships, friendships, remains in touch with people, is considered charming. But I just don't know how to do it. I wish I did. I'm not saying this makes me virtuous, saintly, better than him--I'm saying it's crippling and painful. With H I tried to ask him for what I needed from the marriage, and ultimately realized he just couldn't give much. And when I couldn't give him much any more, he moved on to someone else.